Family-ing

Shows in your eyes and purple dragons.

2009-06-18T12:20:00.003+09:30

I try not to be one of those mothers who go on about how wonderful their kids are, but today they've been pretty cool and it's fun to sit back and enjoy that. Besides, it's my blog!

Widget comes into bed with us in the mornings, and sometimes she's a pain and sometimes she falls asleep. Today was a sleep day, and when Midget and I rolled over this little voice chirped

"Good morning Mummy!"
"Good morning, sweetheart, have you been asleep?"
"Yes, I've been watching a show on my eyes."

Seriously, is that not the best description of a dream you've ever heard?

"Did someone tell you that?"
"No Mummy, it's a dream. Shut your eyes ... See! there are
pictures!"

It's her daycare day, and she badly wants Midget to go too, so she's been prattling on about how she will look after her and

"if the meanie boys go near her I'll say Stop! That's
my sister! Leave her alone!"

She's not convinced, but Midget and I are really enjoying our days together.

We have a little purple rubber dragon toy that Midget is not sure about, I don't know if it is the rubbery feel or if it looks scary to a one year old. I was hanging out washing when she started calling. I went over to see her pointing at the dragon, which was lying on its side. I picked it up, so she started talking and pointing more. I patted it on the head and that really set her off. She spent a good five minutes getting closer and closer but not being able to bring herself to actually touch this thing, all the while talking away at the top of her voice. Then, she went and got another toy, and sat there poking the dragon with the toy and jumping back! She tried another one and managed to knock it over, which led to actual tears so I had to pick the poor dragon up and show her it was alright. A bit after this she got up the courage to touch it with her own finger, looking over at me every time to check that I could see what a big, brave girl she was.

Kids - they're the real show that never ends.

Passive income

2009-06-14T21:02:00.004+09:30

Second post on the money theme, bearing in mind this is all based on my use of Kiyosaki and I can't take any credit for it, except in the translation. Any errors or misunderstandings are mine. I am not an accountant, just someone who has been managing my money for a few years.

In the first I talked about wealth, and concluded that it is about not having to work because you can live off your passive income. So wealth is really simple - accumulate things that give you passive income. No need to read any more! Well maybe. What is useful here is a redefinition of assets and liabilities. These are not the definitions an accountant or bank or the ATO uses, these are definitions that make it easy to think about your own finances.

Asset: Something that earns passive income. e.g. a rental
property, a book you've written, shares that pay dividends.

Liability: Something that costs you. e.g. a negatively geared
property, a boat, your home.

See? Very different to your bank, which will almost certainly count your house as an asset. But your house will not help you pay your monthly expenses. Anything negatively geared will not help you pay your expenses either, because it is making a loss.

In fact DH and I don't talk about negative or positive gearing at all - we classify our investments as in the black or in the red, assets or liabilities. If it's a liability and we can see that it's going to remain a liability, we ask ourselves exactly why we are keeping it. Most people's answer to this is that they are after the capital gain. In other words, they're gambling. They are betting that the market for whatever it is will go up. Depending on many things, that may be a good bet or a bad bet, but it is still a bet, be very clear on that. Isn't it better to have cash in hand?

But what about taxes, you say? Negative gearing decreases your tax.

True. Let's use some simple numbers to look at that.

Say I make a $100 loss on my negatively geared rental property. That means that I can reduce my taxable income by $100. Assuming I'm in a 30% tax bracket, that means my tax is reduced by $30. Woohoo! I made a loss of $70!

Say I make a $100 profit on my positively geared rental property. That means I have to increase my taxable income by $100. Assuming the same 30% tax bracket, that means my tax is increased by $30. Woohoo! I made a profit of $70!

Obviously this is much simplified, there are a lot more complicated situations where your options will be different. But this week's lesson is:

Look for things that will make you passive income right now, today. If there isn't money in your pocket at the end of the month, why are you holding on to it?

Kyive

2009-06-09T12:29:00.003+09:30

Widget has a new word. Kyive. It's heard a lot, usually in sentences like

"Kyive a drink?" or
"Kyive one of those?"

It is better than her other common word, gemmia, which goes down like a lead balloon. But there are beginning to be sentences where I don't recognise a single word in English, so I think it's time to slow down a bit.

Money, Money, Money - Wealth

2009-06-08T19:34:00.006+09:30

A bit of a different one for me, I can feel a series coming on plus a shameless plug.

"Rich Dad, Poor Dad" by Robert Kiyosaki and Sharon Lechter. Buy it, read it, get Cashflow the game and play it.

This is not because I've just read it and think it's great. This is not because I know anything at all about economics. This is because I read it many years ago and I've been following it ever since. I gave a copy to DH, who never ever reads, and he now has the whole series. He has bought them as presents for lots of friends, and especially his sons. And just say that DH and I are in a far better financial position than your average teachers, including allowing me to be a SAHM with an extremely expensive hobby (nappy businesses don't make money!).

So bearing in mind that all of this is just my paraphrasing and the things I've taken from his message, I'm going to start talking about the bits that have had an impact on me.

The definition of wealth

Apparently this is from Buckminster Fuller, who is fascinating in his own right. It's extremely simple and precise and makes a lot of sense. Basically, think of all your expenses. Wealth is when you can cover all your expenses from passive income. In other words, if you lost your job tomorrow, how long would it be before your expenses eat you alive? How long until you would run out of money? If the answer is never, then you are wealthy.

The philosophical reason I love this definition is because it discounts work. As I've said in previous blogs I think we put far too much emphasis on work, to the detriment of our health, happiness and families. This definition states upfront that the aim of the game is to do away with work. Or at least the need for work. If you have something you love and want to keep doing, fantastic. But I think we would all love to have the option of stopping for a while and the freedom to set our own direction.

The practical reason I love this definition is because it then becomes so simple to see what you have to do to achieve wealth. You either need to decrease your expenses, and/or increase your passive income. Decreasing expenses only works so far - we all need to eat. And there's not much point in not needing to work if you have to sit at home all day. So ideally there will be a bit of both.

What's passive income? Obviously, given I'm talking about not working, it's income you don't have to work for. So royalties, rent, dividends, interest payments, income from a business and things like that. It's the things that will still be there, paying your expenses, when you get back from your 3 month world tour. I'm discounting welfare, because that is income you have no control over. I don't think we can call it wealth if it depends on the whim of the government.

So how long could you live? (And no, we're not there yet, darn it.)

Here's a clue

2009-06-02T12:36:00.003+09:30

I was just going through all the clothes drawers getting ready for winter, including DH's sock drawer.

Here's a clue, darling, the tiny little pink socks aren't yours. No wonder I can't make pairs for Widget!

ETA - turns out it wasn't his fault, there was a conversation this afternoon:

DH "I don't have any socks."
Me "Did you look in your drawer?"
DH "I looked this morning, there were no socks."
Me "Did you look in the third drawer?"
DH "I have a third drawer?"

Turns out this is what happens when Widget helps put the clothes away.

We went for a nature walk and found ...

2009-06-01T12:52:00.002+09:30

a potato and an onion!

Someone obviously dropped their shopping on the way home :) Incidentally, it's our first really cold day, and my girls decide they want to go for a walk, what's with that? We only went around the corner and across a vacant lot, but Midget actually walked herself and Widget took her tricycle with a little basket on the back. They were so cute all rugged up, we're generally a nappy and t-shirt type of family, when we can get Widget to wear anything at all.

I've decided that the best way to cope with Widget and come up with different things to do is to have a theme every week. Yesterday she said she wanted to go for a walk, so I thought we'd make insects our theme. It's working really well so far, she cut out and decorated a butterfly yesterday and today we glued patty pans together to make a caterpillar. Next craft activity will be a cocoon, I might use toilet rolls for her to make one, then we can talk about the lifecycle of butterflies :)

Then today we did our nature walk, and read some books on butterflies. And this morning she discovered an earwig outside, so we spent time watching it and putting rocks in front of it or socks over it to see what it would do. We collected a whole heap of things on our walk, and I'm going to use them for something later on.

It's just making it easier to think of different activities, instead of generic 'drawing' or 'outside.' I feel like I'm teaching again!

Exquisite Timing

2009-05-27T18:20:00.006+09:30

I love my daughter, I really do. Even when I want to strangle her.

It's been a tough week (and it's only Wednesday!), DH is away and she hasn't been well. There has been no sleep between the two of them, Widget took over 2 hours to get settled in the middle of the night, then she has been coming into bed with us and generally a good time has been had by all. In retrospect buying the caffiene free diet coke was probably a mistake.

So last night I decided enough was enough, she had to sleep in her own bed.

Now to set the scene, she'd been revolting all evening. It started with tears because she didn't want to leave daycare, yelling at her sister, taking things off her, yelling at me when I didn't do what she wanted, yelling at me when I did do what she wanted. All the hallmarks of an extremely over-tired little girl. We'd finally had a good time reading books on my bed, then started getting ready. Daddy phoned, which was good, but there was another fight over her jammies, and Midget hit her head while I was trying to get Widget dressed.

Well then I have both of them in tears, but finally manage to calm them down. We go through the toilet, drink and get Widget into bed. I say goodnight and promise faithfully that I will come back as soon as Midget is asleep, when Widget bursts into tears again. I'm pretty annoyed by this stage, but then realise what she's saying through all the sobbing.

"But Mummy, I love you so so so much."

Now how can you be angry about that? So I put Midget down, climbed into bed with her and gave her a big cuddle, ignoring Midget's yelling. When she calmed down I got Midget to sleep, and of course when I went and checked Widget was sound asleep. She slept through the whole night in her own bed, and we've had a wonderful day today.

I knew babies have a wonderful sense of self-preservation, obviously it continues for a few years.

Surreal

2009-05-24T20:22:00.003+09:30

I'm looking at an embroidery machine and want to get one that can be serviced somewhere I go regularly, rather than being sent away. So I have two choices, the major town down the road or the city. I phoned someone in the city and was talking to them about it.

"I'm interested in getting a machine I can have serviced easily, but I'm actually from the country."
"Where are you?"
"Tennant Creek."
"But that's just down the track, I thought you meant overseas."

First off, the track is NT slang for the Stuart Hwy, the road that runs from Darwin to Adelaide. So I really am just down the track.

By 12ookm.

Yes, over a thousand kilometres away from our nearest city, but it's considered local. We have a house there, we go there regularly, a lot of people from here do it in 2 days but we usually leave early and just do one.

Now to put that in perspective, if we were in Victoria, 12ookm would pretty much cover the state from east to west. If we were in the UK, it just about covers the countries (England and Scotland) from north to south. If we were in the US, you could drive across 3 states, or at least across Texas east to west. But that's our nearest city.

There are 3 other towns in the NT, Alice Springs has around 28,000, so technically it's a city, Katherine has a bit under 10,000 and Nhulunbuy has around 4000. Then Tennant has around 3000 and Maningrida about 2500, Borroloola about 1500. There are several large communities and that's it. Population of around 200 000 and bigger than the UK.

No wonder Territorians are distinctive.

PLEASE write to Oprah

2009-05-22T19:51:00.003+09:30

Oprah Winfrey's production company has offered Jenny McCarthy her own television show. For anyone who cares about our children's health this is horrifying, as McCarthy is one of the most irrational of the anti-vaccinationists. She champions unproven and downright dangerous treatments yet is completely ignorant about health and science. Her idea of discussion is to yell down and swear at doctors, people who have spent years learning about disease and have done it because they care about children!

In her books and videos (yes, she makes money out of this) she claims that wheat and milk affect children like marijuana, this is the level of her understanding. She originally claimed that her son was a 'Crystal child' and she was an 'indigo mom,' however she has now changed her mind and blames vaccination for his possible autism. This blog post is about her latest video and shows another letter, this shows and discusses a video of her on Larry King Live. One of the reasons she is so dangerous is because of her celebrity status, she is being used as a spokesperson by the anti-vaccination lobby. An author on the Young Australian Skeptics blog has called for letters to Oprah condemning a show for McCarthy, as have other organisations.

We cannot allow our children's health to be under the influence of people so ignorant they don't even know what they don't know. This is my letter to Oprah, it required a bit of editing because there is only a 2000 character limit.

Dear Oprah,

I write as a concerned parent about the decision to give Jenny McCarthy a TV show. Your television shows are major sources mothers are turning to for the latest information and are very influential.

Your experiences in Africa will have given you an appreciation of the devastation of infectious diseases. They are killers of children, those who survive can be left with shattering disabilities including brain damage. It is vaccination that gives us our relative safety, not only directly but through herd immunity there is some safety for those who cannot be immunised. When people decide not to immunise it is a decision that affects other vulnerable children as well.

Science is our most reliable way of learning about the world. Our society is based on science – every time we switch on a TV or drive a car over a bridge, we know we are safe because science works. Science based medicine has given us treatments for cancer, diagnostic tools such as ultrasounds and the antibiotics which have saved literally millions. It has also given us vaccines, and demonstrated over and over again that they are not linked to autism. There is no link between mercury and autism, the evidence for a link between the MMR and autism was fraudulent, and you receive more antigens directly to your bloodstream from brushing your teeth than you do from a vaccination. Having an autistic child is a challenge to any family, but wasting time and money vilifying vaccines does not help those families. Let’s put that effort where it belongs – supporting autistic children.

Even without the evidence against her, is Jenny McCarthy a fit person to front one of your shows? Her language and behaviour are offensive, as a mother and a consumer I can’t support her. Maybe controversy sells on TV, but by shutting down discussion and refusing debate she is not helping children, she is hurting them. She supports ignorance and hatred rather than openness and learning. Is this the image you want to be associated with?

I can only hope that you will listen. Listen to mothers, listen to scientists, listen to people who have spent time and energy to learn. Rather than being taken in by arrogance and emotion and ultimately misusing your power and influence in a way you may come to regret.

Please write your own letter here. The more of us who write, Oprah and her production company may realise what a terrible mistake it would be to encourage those who know so little that they are truly dangerous.

I love my lint roller

2009-05-18T21:44:00.002+09:30

This is a non-family-oriented purely selfish post.

I'm not a particularly tidy person, in fact I'm extremely messy. And I sew with fabrics such as minkee, bamboo velour, bamboo terry, and microfibre terry. If you know anything about fabrics, the first three are lint producers like you wouldn't believe because of dense pile and loops, and the microfibre is extremely 'sticky.' Add in two daughters who think my fabric boxes are treasure troves to go through and feel the pretties and all the little threads that are snipped off when sewing and scraps from overlocking and you have a recipe for disaster, or at least many hours picking threads off.

Enter the el cheapo lint roller I recently picked up for about $2. It's one with sticky paper around the top, when it gets too fluffy you peel it off and go to the next sheet. It's brilliant, a quick wipe over my table gets all the fluff and threads, and another roll over the finished product and it's clean. Even better, Widget and Midget can both use it. Widget goes around picking things up purposely, and Midget can sit on my lap and run it over the desk copying us and being part of the action.

If you sew, get a lint roller! Who would have guessed so much family togetherness for so little.

The Inigo Montoya School of Baby Signing

2009-05-15T17:45:00.002+09:30

You keep using that word. I do not think that word means what you
think it means.
Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

It started with 'more.' Midget picked it up really quickly, unfortunately she thought it meant the frozen yoghurt iceblocks, because that's what she was always having 'more' of. No worries, after a few days she expanded the meaning to 'food.'

But then it all just got confusing.

For the past two days she has been desparately pointing to the bench. I have tried the water bottles, the grapes, the doll, the box, the cheese, the pasta, and basically everything off the bench she could possibly want. The barbecue sauce bottle sparked an interest, but everything else has been pushed away in disgust.

I've just asked her if she wants water, with a sign, so she's been standing in front of the fridge signing 'more water.' Now partly I'm shocked that she's combined two signs, but she doesn't want water, more or otherwise. I wish she'd use just one sign that we both know what it means.

More terry flats

2009-05-13T14:02:00.003+09:30

How do you keep you floors clean with babies and toddlers if you don't have terry flats? We have one permanently on the kitchen and living room floor, then it's used to wipe up whatever the latest spill is.

Day Care

2009-05-11T21:43:00.004+09:30

Widget just spent her first day at day care all by herself ... and loved it!

We've been going together for ages, she is on the waiting list so we are allowed to go anytime so long as I am there. So she knows all the ladies, most of the kids, and all the routines. She also knows how to deal with any problems, by telling one of the ladies if she can't solve it herself, and has practiced everything. We generally go in the morning then leave when they have lunch, and she's been hanging out to stay with everyone else.

There still isn't a permanent place for her, but someone was away for a couple of days so they let us have the casual place. We've been talking about it over the weekend, just every now and then saying "Wow, on Monday you get to stay and have lunch with the other kids at daycare," making sure that she knew Midget and I would be leaving but emphasising who she would get to play with and some of the things she would do.

So as soon as she got up and was properly awake she got herself dressed and ready. When we got there I explained again and checked she knew where everything was, then asked if she wanted me to stay for a little while? "No Mummy, you and Midget have to leave. I'm staying here for lunch."

And she did! When I went back at 3pm after Midget's nap she complained and insisted that we had to stay so she could play longer, they'd only just gone outside. So we stayed another hour or so, when I finally tore her away she insisted she's going back tomorrow. Luckily she can, but Wednesday might be a problem!

I thought long and hard before doing this, there was something that felt vaguely wrong about putting my child in care when I'm a SAHM, sort of like it's cheating. In the end I think this is actually the more 'natural' way to go, although I really really hate that as a label. In a biologically normal situation she would be living in an extended family group, with many adults caring for her or at least interacting with her even if I was the primary carer. There would also be children of a range of ages. But we live in a very small town without any relatives. We go to playgroup once a week, but that's it. There's no library session, music group, toddler gym or anything else for that age group, and she's a bit young for brownies! We occasionally get together with some of the other playgroup people, but realistically we all have small children and most have jobs of some sort. So the only people she sees are me, DH, Midget, and people at the post office and shops to say hello to, then playgroup once a week.

She's also a bit over three and a half, so she's wanting to socialise. Any time we visit relatives she has a ball, any stray child at a park she'll try to play with. She really does want the interaction. And she's very good at it - she has great negotiating and protective skills and she's extremely caring of others, especially little kids. So I felt she was ready to try it on her own (whether I was ready is a whole 'nother question).

And obviously she was, because today has been a roaring success. I just hope it continues this way and we can keep getting some time for her, or we'll just go back to going together (although I really enjoyed the break!).

Library Bag

2009-05-10T21:37:00.003+09:30

A quick project, I made Widget a library bag today. Her name is appliqued on scrap minkee, and the butterfly is a pocket for her library card. She chose the fabric and was so excited! You can't see on this photo, but the fabric has silver butterflies on it as well and I did the satin stitching with silver thread. I hate using metallic threads! They always seem to get caught at some stage, although I'm sort of hoping that's my machine and if I can justify getting a new one it won't happen. But I don't really use metallic threads often enough to spend hundreds (or even thousands) of dollars.

(I put a twitter button on last night, now to see if my coding worked!)

Things change when you don't notice (except I definitely noticed!)

2009-05-09T22:02:00.004+09:30

Midget slept for 2 hours!!!!!!!!
You have to understand my children are appalling sleepers. Actually that's not strictly true, even though Widget hasn't napped since she turned 2 she is now a very good night sleeper. So I know that the pay-off will be there if I survive long enough.

Midget is worse than Widget,

I started writing this post a week or so ago, and didn't finish it because that night was a complete disaster, involving about 3 hours of playing, crying (from both of us), DH helping, etc.

Basically Midget is a really, really, really light sleeper, so the only way you can let go of her is to be lying down on the bed, putting her down wakes her up. And up until now she will only go to sleep by feeding. Rocking, cuddling, patting just results in hysterical screaming and throwing up. By screaming I don't mean crying, I mean the "Someone's trying to murder me!/I've just had a limb removed and am in great pain!" high pitched psycho-type scream. So we've ended up co-sleeping and not really enjoying it.

Then a few days ago after a mini-tantrum about how I really wasn't coping, DH tried taking Midget's first wake up. Bed time is around 8pm, I'm in there for around an hour, then she will wake up anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour after that. I go back in and feed her again, and she's gradually been getting better on these later wake-ups, from an hour down to 40 minutes, down to 10 minutes and the occasional grumble and self-settle. The first time he took her there was a bit of hysteria, but she actually went to sleep with him. The second night there were 2 self settles then she went to sleep within a couple of minutes when he went in. After that she's been self-settling several times before needing help (although as I write this she's still grizzling, so I hope I'm not jinxing it).

Last night we were up until midnight because we kept waiting for her to need us to go in!

At the same time, I've moved her nap back an hour or so, and she's got much better with that as well. There are still the days she only does 10 minutes by herself, but there are also days she'll go straight to sleep and last for an hour. That's an amazing sleep for her, and given her performance I don't really want her to sleep longer because I don't want to mess with bedtime.

In my mind I always expected things to get better around 12 months. (Yep, it was the light from the study causing a problem, all fixed.) You know, if I just make it through the first year it will change. Plus I saw an interview with some sleep researchers and they were saying they wouldn't expect babies to sleep through the whole night until 12 months, so it sort of stuck in my head that sleep changes around then.

And it has. It hasn't been some wonderful technique we've tried, and there's still a long way before I'd call her a great sleeper, but it's so much better than she was. We may even get her out of the bed! It's been tough, but in the end it's just been a matter of waiting and letting her mature and be ready.

Finish your dinner

2009-05-05T20:52:00.003+09:30

I'm really ambivalent about food.

I don't have good eating habits, far too much junk, and neither does DH. I'd love, love, love to pass on better habits to the girls, but I'm not sure how so it makes me uptight.

I'm probably middle of the road on food choices - some would be horrified, some would consider me a food nazi. But I also know that we all tend to think we're better than we are, especially when it isn't something we're an expert in, so I have this nagging suspicion I'm not really that good.

And then it gets more complicated!

I don't like the idea of forcing a child to finish their dinner. I figure she has a better idea of how hungry she is than I do. At the same time, Widget's track record is not that great - she doesn't eat when she's hungry, but will get rattier and rattier until we make her eat, then she feels better. So while I love the idea of her self-regulating, she doesn't do it and I don't know how to teach her. This means I'm torn at dinnertime - I want her to just eat until she's full, but I know it's a long time until breakfast.

Then there's dessert. We never had it growing up, so it would never occur to me to tell someone to finish their dinner so they can have dessert. But DH does it all the time. It drives me mad, but I'm not going to contradict him in front of the kids. And given how well Midget sleeps it's a good night if we get 10 minutes without them, so it's not something I've remembered to talk to him about.

Now after 3 years of Widget happily eating foods that are mostly mixed together, she has suddenly decided she wants to see each individual ingredient. It's really been coming on for a long time, but we've been resisting. Not on purpose, but it's taking a bit of adjusting to change our cooking habits so everything can be put on the plate separately.

So I don't know whether she happily ate dinner tonight because we remembered to separate it all, or because she knew Daddy had some icecream.

This requires more work.

Mouse!

2009-05-03T12:16:00.004+09:30

Not a computer one, a real one.

When we got back from Perth there was a little mouse sitting behind my computer. In the resultant jumping, screaming and pushing the desk away it came off second best. Problem solved?

Nope.

We have a new mousetrap (Catch them alive humanely! So then what are you meant to do with them?) but the little bugger isn't being obliging. We have wooden furniture and the house has wooden panelling on all the walls and built in cupboards (lovely 70's stuff), so there is quite a loud echoing gnawing sound.

They're either eating my furniture or eating the house (that we're considering buying). And so far the most effective thing I've found is to throw things at the sound and scare them.

Do NOT wear a wrap top when using a ring sling.

2009-04-29T21:09:00.002+09:30

I have a very nice top I made, the sort that wraps over and ties on one side with a fairly deep V-neck. So I checked it wasn't showing anything and set off for the shops, where I put Midget in a ring sling. Now if you haven't used one of these, it goes over one shoulder and Midget sits on the opposite hip, the ring should be in the 'corsage position.'

To get her in I put her up over my shoulder, then get her feet inside the sling and slide her down to a sitting position. I hold her there and pull on the tail of the sling to tighten it, this generally pulls the ring down a bit lower. And off we went.

It was only after we had left the shop, where I had had a long conversation with the shop assistant, that I looked down.

To see that all that sliding down didn't just include Midget and the sling, but both sides of my top as well, so I was basically just wearing a bra (and a baby!) at the front.

At least it was a clean one.

Midget is 1!

2009-04-22T22:36:00.003+09:30

I no longer have a little baby :( But she is so much fun (the velcro has loosened a little).
She:

Is walking quite well, it's now her preferred method of getting around except if she's in a hurry (ie I'm out of sight!).
Has no words but has two signs, feed and finished! Given Widget's speech delay this is very exciting. She's been doing them appropriately if reminded for a few days (ie if I make the feed sign and she doesn't want one she ignores it, but if she does want one she copies it). But today she did both of them spontaneously and appropriately. We were out at the shops and she looked me in the eye and asked for a feed, and later on she let go and sat up, looked at me and signed finished :D :D :D :D :D
Has amazing comprehension (to me, it's probably completely normal but it's a shock to realise your baby understands you IYKWIM). She was trying to climb off something forwards today and I told her to turn around, she looked at me, spun around and tried to climb off the other side. Not quite what I meant.
Hugs and kisses. Aaaaaaaw.
Knows exactly how things work. Give her a bottle and she tries to twist the lid. Give her a tin and she goes for the pull on top. Yesterday we played with shaving cream, today she picked up the can, held it correctly and was 'writing' on the wall with it, then rubbing her other hand over that spot to spread it out.
Brushes my hair and feeds me.
Insists on feeding herself, and won't drink from any of the spill proof water bottles. She only wants the ones Widget uses. Sigh.
Thinks the red dust out the back is a wonderful food. She actually found a spoon this morning and was hoeing in with it.
Is still a horrendous sleeper.
Scribbles on the whiteboard and tries to draw on paper.
Points!
Likes using the potty, we generally get the first wee of the morning and then it depends on my timing or how busy we are. She reads on the potty.

When Widget snuggled into bed this morning she solemnly told me that Midget was only little and didn't know how to blow out candles yet, so she would have to teach her. She made and decorated a wonderful cake for her.

Well I've been told!

2009-04-18T19:03:00.003+09:30

Midget's communication is coming on in leaps and bounds.

Today in the car she woke up after a long sleep and there was a scramble to find something to keep her in a good mood while she adjusted. After trying several things DH put a toy with a button on top on the centre console in front of her and pushed it, so it spun around. She liked this and was quite enjoying it, and the little arm started flapping up and down as if she was pushing the button.

I tried moving it to her lap and was soundly told off, she pushed and kicked it away. So I put it down on the floor and started looking for something else. All of a sudden a little arm was pushing me and pointing down, and "Aaaah aaah aaah!" I picked it up again and offered it to her, but an imperious hand pointed at the centre console.

I meekly put it back and hit the button again, and peace reigned for a few minutes.

I'm not a piece of furniture!!!!

2009-04-14T23:12:00.002+09:30

I don't know, maybe I'm very permissive and my kids get away with murder.

Maybe I have extremely well bonded children who love me very much.

Maybe my children's love language is touch, and they want to show me how much they love me.

Maybe they are sensitive little souls and need lots of reassurance.

But I seem to have one or other of them attached to me 24/7.

Midget is at least starting to sleep on a mattress on the floor, so there are a couple of hours after she first goes to sleep at night, then she is in with us. She is having extreme separation anxiety, all perfectly understandable when she has been taken to a strange place and is meeting a lot of strange people, but she cries whenever she is out of my arms. I mean she cries if I put her down at my feet to turn on a tap. She cries if Daddy is holding her and I am out of sight. She cries if I am sitting next to her on the ground but not actually holding her! There is some playing in between, but it doesn't feel like very much.

And when she does let go to play, Widget grabs hold. I don't mind giving her cuddles because of the endless round of trips and scrapes, I don't mind the feeds and I don't mind her sitting on my lap if she asks. It is when she sits next to me but half on top of me and starts wiggling over, so I end up squashed. Or I'm in the middle of eating or doing something and she will try to climb onto my lap. And God forbid that I try to go to the toilet.

It's nothing major, just the constancy wearing me down. And the bit that worries me is that I don't feel like I've had a break. DH is understandably caught up with his father at the moment, and we are spending as much time with them as we can. And it doesn't really feel like a holiday with everything that's happening. But at the back of my mind there's a little worry that we're almost going home, then it's back into it until July.

I just hope that being back home will mean the girls are a bit more settled and I become a human again, rather than a piece of the furniture.

Little Mirrors

2009-04-11T23:23:00.003+09:30

You learn so much about yourself with little children. Yes the big things, like your priorities and values, but also the little every day things you never noticed.

I brush my teeth in the shower, and thanks to Widget I know I rinse the brush several times.
When getting very frustrated I put my hands over my face and take a deep breath (Widget).
The next step is to point with both hands, a bit like a goal umpire (Widget again).
I drink far too many cans (Midget, she goes straight for the little ring pull on top).
I like using a particular brand of water bottle (Midget).
I brush my hair back from my forehead when thinking (Midget).

Sje

2009-04-06T22:14:00.000+09:30

Muco-purulent Discharge

2009-04-01T17:44:00.003+09:30

I have a lovely little book called "Does Anything Eat Wasps?" It is a selection of questions and answers from "The Last Word" in New Scientist magazine. This is where anyone can send in any puzzling question, and readers try to answer it. It has even sparked university research.

One of the questions was about the little yellow crusty bits in your eyes, commonly known as sleep or sand (can you see where this is going?) and whether they had a real name. It turns out that they are a very dilute mix of mucous and pus. This is the protective coating of your eye, the mucous lubricates it and the pus is lots of white blood cells to eat any bacteria or dirt. It drains down the tear duct, but if for some reason there is too much or an infection it can't all drain away and evaporates, leaving the lovely yellow bits. Up until now it hasn't had a real name, but the consensus of readers was that it was a 'muco-purulent discharge.'

We have been learning all about it. I had never actually had conjunctivitis myself, but Widget picked it up somehow. We seemed to get rid of it with eye drops, but obviously stopped too soon and it came back. Then she passed it to me, and finally Midget. So more than two weeks later we are still doing the eye drop thing, because I'm not game to stop until we've all been clear eyed for a few days.

The interesting thing is that when your eyes are all inflamed the drops aren't too bad, but when they clear up it really stings. Obviously the thick protective gunk isn't just a nuisance, it does protect your eyes. Isn't it nice that parenting gives you the opportunity for wonderful little observations like that?

Learning to feed at 2 years old

2009-03-30T17:22:00.002+09:30

I just submitted this to an amazing site called ibreastfed. It's a non-profit collection of inspirational breastfeeding stories, ranging from very simple to awesome. I think part of the goal is not just to share triumphs, but to normalise breastfeeding. We all know it is natural, but so many people seem to think that means it is easy. It is a learned skill, just like walking, and it comes with it's own share of pitfalls. But they can almost always be overcome with the right support. So by showing that all sorts of people have all sorts of problems it can help new Mums to realise that it isn't the end of the world if they have thrush, or grazes, or their baby wants to feed every 45 minutes (hello Midget).

After a few problems with jaundice and oversupply, Molly was a fantastic feeder. In fact she was a little addict who would happily have skipped solids altogether, snacking away into her second year. I had to wean when we were trying for a second baby, but we took it very slowly (in the end it took 10 months!) and it was fairly peaceful and pleasant. I was glad because I didn’t want to tandem feed.

When I was about 3 months pregnant and she had been weaned for 4 or 5 months, she asked for a feed again. She had forgotten how to breastfeed and was trying to suck like a straw, plus by that time I only had colostrum. So it was quick and a bit painful and I didn’t think much about it. A few days later she wanted to do it again, and from then on it got more frequent. Sometimes she’d go a week without asking, then it would be constant for a few days. I could see that it was only going to happen more when she saw the new baby feeding, and decided that we would have to re-learn to do it properly.

She was squashing my nipple just like a newborn, so I decided to go back to the beginning. We practiced opening her mouth as wide as she could, and sticking her tongue out over her bottom teeth. We made it into a game and would stick our tongues out at each other.

After she was attaching in the right place, she had to learn to suck again. I knew that newborns have a lot of jaw movement, so we practiced opening and closing her jaws. At first I would sit her in front of me and she would do the big mouth and tongue and I would move her jaw up and down, then we would swap places. Then she would attach and I would move her chin up and down while she was trying to suck. Then she would try it on her own. So over a few weeks we got to the point that she could suck again. It was always a bit painful, but I was never sure if that was because of what she was doing or if it was because I was pregnant and only had colostrum. We developed a rule that she could only have one feed a day and only one side, so each nipple was only being used every second day.

Once we had the physical side of feeding sorted and it became regular again, I was hit with breastfeeding aversion. In the immortal words of a counsellor, if I were a cow I would have kicked her in the head. Even the thought of feeding made me tense up, I hated everything about it. It made me feel sick I was so tense, and I hated the way it made me snap at her. I seriously considered weaning, but we had come so far I felt it would be too mean to take it away from her again. I could see how important it was for her, so I gritted my teeth and trusted that I would be fine with the new baby.

When Joanna was born she fed like a dream and I enjoyed it. She seemed to be born knowing how to attach and suck, and I never even got a sore nipple from her seven and eight hour feeding marathons in the first couple of days. I had chosen to stay in hospital for a few days, and one of the reasons was I wanted to get Joanna’s feeding established without Molly constantly asking to feed. I was so relieved when I went home and Molly’s first feed was painless, although I still hated doing it.

There were lots of tears and tantrums because she went back to wanting to feed all the time, but looking back that only lasted a few weeks before she accepted that there were limits. The aversion lasted much longer, it was probably 5 months before it went and I still don’t have much patience for her. I had to really concentrate on relaxing and make sure I was comfortable and had something to do like a book.

A year later she has her special time in the morning, she comes and snuggles into bed and has a feed before we get up. I never thought I would still be feeding her at three and a half, but it is so useful. When she is sick or tired or out of sorts the magic boobies still work, and I love our special cuddles. I’m really glad we worked through it and she can still do something that is obviously so important to her.

Widget's Rubbing Doll

2009-03-29T15:08:00.001+09:30

Widget rubs things with her fingers and it's driving me mad. It's at the point where she can't hold my hand because she won't let go of her skirt, or she will walk along behind Midget rubbing her t-shirt. So I made her a rubbing doll.

She chose the fabrics for the skirt, yes that's raspberry slush minkee on the front!

It HAD to have wings, and I put a hat on it to avoid the hair. After spending ages hand sewing a few rows last night I realised why dolls wear hats.

Rubbing the skirt, it's been wonderful having my clothes left alone for a whole day.

It has velcro hands so it's giving her a big hug and she can take it out without losing it.

How on earth

2009-03-28T19:18:00.002+09:30

do babies learn to walk in disposables?

Midget goes thumping down on her bum regularly, if it wasn't for the lovely thick padding I'm sure she'd have a permanent spinal injury!

Hot Cross Buns

2009-03-27T09:28:00.002+09:30

How hard is it to buy Hot Cross Buns these days?

The first lot I grabbed were minis. So I looked some more but ended up with fruitless. DH told me to grab the ones down the bottom, all looked fine. Got them home (5 hours away!) and they tasted a bit strange. They have chocolate bits in rather than fruit!

Remember when Hot Cross Buns came out just before Easter? There was one type and they all had spices and lovely juicy sultanas in them?

I don't want to be one of those people who moan that the world was much better 'back in my day.' I'm sure there were things that were better and things that were worse, and it probably all evened out. I just find it strange that there are now 53 types of Hot Cross Buns. Paradoxically, I think it means we are losing variety.

Think about it. By providing fruitless, and mini, and chocolate chip, and even chocolate with chocolate chips, what happens is the people who eat chocolate at every other time of the year can now eat chocolate at Easter too. We are actually becoming more bland and less likely to try anything new.

It may be a stretch, but now think about Facebook and mobile phones. These are all about sharing every tiny experience and never being alone. You never have to make a decision on your own, you can check with all your friends. Google is an extended version of this - don't like what the doctor is saying? There is almost guaranteed to be some information Google can find to let you back up what you want to do. It may not be very accurate, but you'll only find that out if you dig deeper, and that is the one thing we choose not to do. And now, you don't have to make a decision at all, because you can get the same safe option you always pick.

If this is happening with little things, I wonder how the big things are?

My big walking girl

2009-03-25T18:31:00.001+09:30

Midget took 5 steps last night!

Huggalugs

2009-03-19T22:29:00.003+09:30

How great is this timing? I just got the girls' leg warmers on Monday and have used them several times already. Then tonight I found there is a giveaway happening. I would so like to have more of them, they're brilliant. So I love huggalug leg huggers because they are such cool colours and they extend my girls' clothes - instead of wearing something for 2 weeks then shooting up and showing their ankles, the leg warmers can cover the bottoms and they can still wear the pants. And they are so easy in the change bag!

ETA - I forgot to add, if you want to win some too it's really easy and I'll tell you how, but I'm not giving out my email address publicly. So PM Dash at the ABA or Nappycino and I'll let you know.

Sugar, Honey, Icing, Tea

2009-03-16T22:56:00.005+09:30

This is apparently what a playgroup Dad has taught his son to say instead of swearing. I have to admit I've never heard the boy saying this, and I think it's pretty much a joke.

Swearing, the perrenial favourite, came up at playgroup a few weeks ago. Amusing things fathers do was a big one, and the weird ways other people have dealt with it. Someone knew someone who had actually made their child eat hot chili. And what was even stranger, when the daughter called them on their swearing, they ate it too.

Several Mums were heard to say "Ooh no, I'm too much of a potty mouth for that."

Well obviously I'm the weird one.

Don't get me wrong, I swear, and Widget swears. But to me it's a signal of a couple of different things. Firstly it means I'm swearing way too much if she's copying it, so I need to rein it back. Secondly, I need to look at the times and ways she's using it.

Consistency is one of the things we all know we should strive for in our parenting. We have to be consistent with their behaviour, their routines, or it's all going to end in tears. So why doesn't that apply to us to? How can I expect behaviours out of my 3 year old that I don't expect from myself? Why should her language be more perfect than mine? Swearing is just one example of consistency for me, if I make a mistake I acknowledge it and apologise, if she has a like or dislike I take it into account, if she does something for me I thank her. In other words, she is a full member of this family with the same rights, and she doesn't have expectations put on her that I wouldn't expect from myself.

As for times and ways, well there's a level of personal comfort isn't there. Language is a defining human feature, if we drop something on our toe we're going to say something. In practical terms it doesn't matter if we say 'shit' or 'sugar,' the intent is the same. But who likes to hear a toddler swearing? But why tell her off for it? She already copies "Oh dear" from me, if I make the substitution she's going to follow pretty quickly. It's a really superficial way of looking at swearing, but it's just plain 'not nice.'

Sometimes it's definitely for attention, so that's definitely ignored!

The one thing that she will absolutely always get into trouble for is swearing at someone. Because that is about respect. It's never happened so far and I can't see it happening soon, because she's never been sworn at. Again, I'm not perfect and I get frustrated with her just as much as the next person. I know I've said things to her that aren't nice, but I don't swear at her and I apologise afterwards.

So what do I do when she swears? Mostly I adjust my behaviour, usually I ignore it, occasionally I tell her she doesn't need to say that, what else could she say? Basically I try to be consistent.

Reading

2009-03-13T22:49:00.002+09:30

Who is this pet?
Say! He is wet.
You never yet met a pet,
I bet, as wet
as they let
this wet pet get.

Widget is loving Dr Seuss. We have to have several a day, and she 'reads' them herself. It's a combination of remembering, pictures, and her experiences, so this one was particularly fun. It went something like:

This pet is wet,
he's very very very very very wet.
They wrapped him in a towel.

The alphabet was great, G has a goat and girl pictures so that became

Mary had a little goat

It gives such an insight into her little mind to hear what she reads.

Change of plans

2009-03-12T11:45:00.003+09:30

I actually have a list of topics I was going to write on and have started some of them. However FIL has just been diagnosed with cancer and given a few weeks to live. So we are visiting, luckily we already had something booked and there have just been some rearrangements.

After starting in the car at 4am the girls are doing brilliantly, Midget is asleep on my shoulder as I write this. I think I am going to continue my quest for cute leather baby shoes and the little green nappy icon.

Withdrawal

2009-03-01T16:11:00.001+09:30

I've found a worse addiction than caffiene - my internet is broken!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

(I'm typing this at DH's work because we had to come and bring the girls in. Plus the nappy hunt starts today and I had a whole heap of work to do, so we were in here for about 5 hours yesterday.)

What marvellous fun

2009-02-24T22:04:00.003+09:30

is a bucket of sponges.

I cut out some sponge stamps for Widget about a week ago, but today was the first time we got organised to use them. She had a great time stamping them onto big sheets of butcher's paper while Midget pottered around outside.

When we were cleaning up Widget helped me rub the paint out of the sponges under the tap and I was throwing them into a bucket with a bit of water while Midget sat underneath us. She had the best time! Squeezing them above her head and getting the water on her face, sucking on them (cough, choke, splutter), hitting them on things, leaning on them and watching the water shoot out.

You want a really easy way to entertain a 10 month old baby?

Bad Mummy! Stop laughing!

2009-02-20T12:53:00.003+09:30

It was bad but so, so funny at playgroup today. Widget tried to climb through a wooden chair between the back and seat and got stuck. It was one of those old school type ones with a metal frame and really thick wood. I tried to get her to go forwards and she couldn't get her bum through, then I got her to go back and her head was too big. Even twisting it around she couldn't get it back through.

At that poing Midget got all worried and started crying, and some other parents noticed what was going on. Another Mum took her and I was about to break the back off the seat when a Dad suggested getting her to stand up. So poor little girl stood there while this Dad and I held the chair and worked it down. It was getting caught on her overalls so I had to undress her as we were going and she got a bit of a scrape on her back.

After Midget was crying and trying to hug her, and I ended up having to cuddle both of them in my lap. Poor little thing, but I just couldn't help laughing. So then we all traded stories of how we've managed to injure our children, falling off beds and dropping them, and felt better because we've all done it.

So what's the point

2009-02-17T18:37:00.002+09:30

of caffiene free diet coke?

There's no sugar, no caffiene, how on earth is that supposed to keep me going?

Through the baby monitor

2009-02-15T13:10:00.002+09:30

While DH is playing with the girls on our bed:

Widget: Hey!!
DH: I'm trying to turn you off.
Widget: There's no button on me!

De-cluttering

2009-02-14T17:17:00.002+09:30

I feel a bit like I'm in a self-help book, you know something trendy that talks about simplifying your life. But we are finally doing it.

The house was getting ridiculous - we met in the country, so we both had a full set of house things. It's hard to get rid of things in the country - they're too good to throw out but there isn't anyone to pass them on to or anything like the Good Sammies. Then we emptied the Darwin house and brought it back here. I've lost a lot of weight and my clothes were too big, and throw in the fact that I'm a hoarder, and have all these grand plans that I haven't got around to finishing yet.

When we got back I did my clothes. Two big plastic tubs of mostly maternity clothes to take down to playgroup and then go to the op shop. Then last weekend we did Widget's room. Emptied the big cupboard, threw out all the fitted sheets that had lost their elastic or were getting a bit sheer, neatly folded everthing and put toys on the bottom shelves she can reach. It's a bit sad to fold up all the tiny baby clothes, but there are people to pass them on to.

This weekend DH did the bathroom. And next week we're having a garage sale.

The really interesting thing is that since we got home we've been eating dinner at the table every night because it's finally been clear enough. And we've barely turned the television on at all. So starting anew and cleaning up has had a big effect on how we're living.

The Electrician is here

2009-02-11T14:10:00.002+09:30

And Widget's having the best day! She's his little shadow, shining a torch at him (whether he wants it or not) running out to give us updates, looking after his tools and keeping Midget away.

And now Midget has actually gone to sleep and I've put her down!!!! That hasn't happened in a couple of months.

Half an hour off

2009-02-05T19:26:00.004+09:30

I got half an hour without the kids yesterday, and seeing there is so much to do here I wandered around the supermarket. It was actually quite interesting (that's pathetic, isn't it) to look rather than search for things quickly while keeping the toddler occupied. So I bought:

- Coloured mini patty pans. Great for making flowers, snowflakes, collages, you can even use them in cooking.

- Water bombs. It's pretty hot here!

- Balloons. An absolute favourite. I never used to be able to tie balloons, look at the new skills you learn as a parent. It makes my skin crawl the way Midget grabs them and digs her fingernails right in, but it doesn't seem to bother her when they explode.

- Icing pens. Tubes of icing you can use to draw on biscuits and cakes. We make biscuits at least once a week, Widget is going to love them.

- Sponges. For cutting into shapes to use for stamping paint.

- Hydrogen peroxide. For neutralising bleach when I use it to reverse tie dye fabric. Although having had a closer look at the bleach I think it already contains it, I think American bleach must be different.

And that was my exciting break without the kids.

My poor little baby.

2009-02-01T21:57:00.004+09:30

So Midget has cut her first tooth. That isn't the problem, both the girls have been good teethers. A grizzly day or two, then oh look, there's a tooth.

The problem is that she seems to have christened it.

I moved their little paddling pool onto the driveway where there is rough concrete so it would be in the shade. I don't know whether she was bouncing up and down, or if her feet slipped out, or if the edge bent down, but suddenly poor little Midget tipped over and landed on her face.

I dove over there and grabbed her, but of course she was wet and wriggling around and I almost dropped her again, luckily I didn't. It looks like as she fell she scraped her chin and mouth along the rough concrete and the inside of her lip is all cut, but she might have put the new tooth into it - we weren't interested in checking too closely.

I carried her inside while Widget announced to DH that she had blood all over her "And it wasn't me! It was an accident!"

It got better.

After she was cleaned up I got some ice for her. I was holding a block to her lip when she sucked it in and it went right into her throat. There was no gagging, this was the real silent choking. By the time I had shifted her around in my arms to help tip her the ice came flying out, which is about when I felt like panicking.

Dinner was interesting, spoons were not good so she ended up having frozen yoghurt which she loves. After that she seemed to have completely forgotten it. And she had no problems latching on for her bedtime feed.

I have a whole series of photos of Widget with a big bruise on her cheek from when she started standing, I can see that these will join them as "Mummy blackmail material."

Blue Boobs

2009-01-29T20:58:00.003+09:30

"Mummy! Your boob is blue and green!"
"Yes, that's the blood. You can see it through the skin."
"Why is it blue?"

Ummm, well. I've explained a lot of science simply before, but she's 3.

"Blood takes things around the body that it needs. So down to your feet and everywhere. When it's dropped everything off and runs out it turns blue. Then it has to go back to Mummy's chest and get some more."
Looking at my chest, "There must be little people in there."

First day of school

2009-01-27T21:23:00.002+09:30

For DH! I've been dreading it a bit because my lovely holiday is over too. And after a few rays of light in Darwin Midget is back to her old non-sleeping tricks. Something hit me really hard over the weekend and I was quite depressed, hopefully it's just the back to work thing.

We did well in the end, it was cool enough to spend the morning outdoors and Widget had a wonderful time playing with the hose. Midget is having so much fun now she can get around and explore everything on her own, she is another rock eater though. I remember pulling handfuls of gravel out of Widget's mouth.

Midget only did a 40 minute nap and Widget decided she just couldn't play all by herself, so she brought her books in. She was actually really good, but I wanted a break! I feel bad because I yelled at her, she didn't deserve that. But she spent the whole evening telling us "Play with me!" It's going to take her a bit to get used to only having one of us available again. She's done well without TV though. We didn't use it in Darwin because there were two of us and we were going out a lot, so I've just continued that here. We'll see how long that lasts.

Sometimes it really helps to consider SAHMing as my 'job' to stop me resenting the constant neediness. Sometimes that makes it worse, because it becomes a rut. At the moment I'm enjoying playing with my girls, they really are pretty special.

Not in hot water anymore.

2009-01-25T11:09:00.003+09:30

When we got back, no hot water. Lucky it was Thursday, so we spent the Friday before a long weekend frantically trying to get it fixed. So Territory housing got on to the owner, who got on to the agent, who was given the wrong address and got on to the plumber, and luckily I phoned to find out what was happening and gave them the right address. At 4.30pm Friday we had someone out to look at it, which is pretty amazing for the Territory.

Easy, some water has got in and shorted out the electrical system. Oh, would you like us to clean the calcium out of it? We have very hard water and calcium buildup on everything, the hot water system was only managing one short shower at a time so it definitely needed to be cleaned. They managed to get it outside and got a huge amount of calcium out, which Widget then cleaned up with her new spade. Roll it back in and start putting it back together.

Oh dear. Turns out the calcium was basically holding it together, so now it leaks. Wonderful plumbers jump in the car to try to find another hot water system in town, but there isn't one. So they ordered it, and maybe it will be here Tuesday.

I don't do cold showers.

I know it is 40 degrees outside, and muggy and generally revolting, but the airconditioning is on inside and I just can't do it. I did have a wash, for some reason that is better than actually standing under cold water. So my wonderful darling husband heated water in pots and the kettle and made a bath for me last night. I got to sit in there with two excited little girls standing on the step next to the bath, and one of them helped wash my hair. Then we all got in and had a good play.

Here's hoping a system gets shipped in soon!!!!!

Next time you decide to move your entire house ...

2009-01-24T18:47:00.002+09:30

give yourself more than 3 days.

We have a house in the city we use during holidays, we've slowly been moving things up there. Plus we have a complete set of toys, clothes, kitchen stuff, linen and toiletries that live there, so we can pretty much walk in, vacuum and it's ready to go. Now we've bought our ambulance (did I mention we've bought an ambulance!) for camping we're not going to be there that often.

Then a couple of days before going back to our community we found out a friend was moving to Darwin and was looking for a place, and she doesn't have furniture. What a good idea - she can have our house, she gets it cheaper than market (rent in Darwin is absolutely ridiculous), we get something for it, plus there is someone there to look after it rather than it sitting empty and we don't have to clear it out like we would with a normal rental.

Only problem is we needed to move everything we've been moving up there back!!!!! It took us a couple of days to sort and pack, with a baby who's just discovered she can stand at a box and pull things out, plus a pre-schooler who is 'helping' by putting everything in random boxes. Poor DH was still going at 1am (oh dear, I had to feed Midget) and then we started at 6.30 the next morning. The car was so full there was barely enough room to sit, with sheets and towels stuffed in around the edges. The trailer was well tied down, with two office chairs and a tricycle on top.

I'm sure everyone who saw us had a good giggle.

Playing games

2009-01-22T22:01:00.006+09:30

Midget has worked out games in the last few weeks. So she will catch your eye and screw her face up until you copy her, then keep doing it. She's waving, and peekaboo is absolutely hilarious. We play with a wrap in the car, putting it over people's faces, and she started trying to do that. Now her co-ordination is great, but she will do it anytime - so even if she doesn't have the wrap, if you say "Where's Midget?" she puts her arms above her head then quickly pulls them down, laughing her head off.

She's at that delightful age where everything is fun and exciting and the world is one big adventure.

She has also worked out that she can tell us things - "Get me down this step!" or "NO, I hadn't finished with that!"

But the games must be so amazing for her - it really is the beginning of two way interaction and communication. When they are little they cry because they are upset, and we try to find some way of dealing with it. But now you can see it happening in her little head - I did this, then they did that, maybe I'll try that again ...

RIP Ramsey

2009-01-17T20:44:00.003+09:30

One of the most amazing, determined, special young men I have ever had the privelege to know is gone. I've known for a while, but I'm crying while I write this.

I taught Ramsey for two years while he did Years 11 and 12. He graduated and was accepted to do a TAFE course. The thing that makes him so amazing was that he didn't live in Melbourne, or Sydney, or even a smaller town. He lived in a remote community in the Northern Territory about 5 hours from the nearest town.

He didn't have a nuclear family to look after and support him, in the time I knew him he 'lived' with his grandmother. At least she usually looked after him, and he had a swag that he slept in on the kitchen floor. Most of the time. He also stayed with various other people, so I suppose you could say he had a large family. Occasionally he would go to another town to see his mother so he could get some of his abstudy money, then he would wait a few weeks until he could get a lift back again.

I first saw Ramsey as a grinning face, the sole male with about 11 girls around him. So that was culturally hard for him. It would be hard for most teenagers! Many of the girls fell by the wayside, but he and 3 others kept plugging away, and if he was in the community he was there every day. He wasn't brilliant, but he always handed in drafts before the due date, and would go through them with you then have another go. He took great delight in ticking off every assignment he finished and taking down the record when the unit was finished. He always had a sense of humour and a cheeky grin, and he had so much time for the younger boys.

Remote schools don't have nice classes, Year 1, Year 2, Year 3. They don't have enough students for that, so it's quite common to have 3 or 4 year levels all in together. And kids like Ramsey get put up, because "he can read and he's so far ahead of the others in this class." And usually it doesn't matter because they aren't offered anything else anyway. Up until about 3 years ago remote schools in the NT were not allowed to offer Secondary, they offered English all morning (Goldilocks and blends - sh and ch) and maths until lunch (adding and taking, but only up to 100), then after lunch it might be sport (playing basketball) or station skills (fencing and riding), or art (drawing). That's still true in most places, but Ramsey was part of a great experiment, when a Principal and an amazing teacher decided that wasn't good enough and these kids deserved better. They broke the rules and actually started offering education.

So with that as a background Ramsey completed Senior Secondary and graduated, with moderated work the same as any other student. He had spent much of his primary years being provided the poorest education that would horrify white middle class parents, and he hadn't even got all of it because he was put up. He had four years as part of an educational revolution, and he did it. He wasn't brilliant, he wasn't going to be a doctor or a lawyer or push for Aboriginal rights. But he should have been a shining light to show that they are the same as anyone else. That you don't need a white parent, or a scholarship to a boarding school, or a mission, or to be super intelligent, or to have special units. But when our part of the bargain was fulfilled, when we provided the opportunity, he had the determination, the tenacity, to work hard and climb the mountain. He was the proof that when everyone contributes things can change.

He got into NTU to do a course, but it was hard, hard, hard for him. To move away to the city, where he knew no-one and didn't even know how things worked. He'd never caught a bus, never gone to a cinema, never budgeted money or done all the little things we take for granted that you have to do to live. A small community is a cocoon, where you know everyone and know the rules. And he wasn't really sure what he wanted to do anyway - he was only 17. So he stayed in the community.

I actually toyed with the idea of asking him to come with us to try to get a job in a nearby mine. But we had moved to another community and I had a young baby so in the end I didn't.

He tried for the army. I think he would have done well there. But he wasn't allowed to do the test under English as a Second Language (ESL)conditions. In his community English isn't the native language. The only place they really hear it is at school, and that wasn't particularly effective. He had done well in ESL, but that was with time to work things out and practice. So in an exam he just didn't have time to answer all the questions. Someone who was helping him wrote to the then Federal Minister about the fact that Aboriginal kids were disadvantaged and was invited to contribute to a review. But that didn't do Ramsey any good.

In spite of everything, he succeeded. He did as much as anyone could ask, but he was failed or let down again and again.

So at 19 he was a passenger in a car being driven along dirt roads by an unlicenced, underage, drunk driver. The other 3 survived.

Pink

2009-01-12T19:24:00.003+09:30

We just gave Midget beetroot for the first time. It went down very well, I stripped off to do it and kept little hands well away! We've already had pink drool all down her front and pink vomit on the floor, tomorrow's nappy will be interesting ...

I wonder if it stains?

Food, glorious food

2009-01-09T21:58:00.003+09:30

Woops.

We made a little mistake today and didn't keep track of what Widget was eating. Poor little thing managed to not eat from about 11am. And because it's holidays she isn't eating the best, so she had some cereal, a party sausage roll and a biscuit.

Around 3pm when we were trying to get ready to go out she was very whingy and we just got annoyed because we were in a hurry. We were getting photos of the girls which they did really well, then they played beautifully while DH was in an appointment. After that I was going to get a drink while we drove to dinner, which is when we suddenly realised she hadn't eaten in about five and a half hours. Not unreasonably she asked for something, but we were on the way to a restaurant. I found some emergency snacks in the car which she doesn't like, but the poor little thing was so hungry she ate about half of it.

She wouldn't have her drink, wouldn't do anything we asked, was just about in tears, yelling at us and Midget and kept telling us to leave her alone even when we were trying to help. I'm so glad we knew what was wrong, otherwise we would definitely have told her off.

We got to the restaurant and got her some garlic bread straight away, and a beautiful little girl appeared. Interestingly, she got the usual kids' meal of fish and chips but was asking for vegetables from our plates as well. She was a joy to be around for the rest of the evening, happy and playing. We walked down the street and got an icecream and she ate what she wanted and then stopped, saying she was full. I wish I had that sort of appetite control!

Now we've just got to get her to recognise when she's hungry, it's obviously not good to try and rely on Mummy and Daddy's memory.

Babysitting

2009-01-07T20:38:00.002+09:30

Well, Widget and Midget were babysat for the first time today. The main reason they've never been away from us is because of where we live - there's nowhere to go and no-one to babysit. Widget has been with her grandparents or brother a couple of times when we have been visiting interstate, but today we had an appointment that really wasn't child friendly.

I'm glad to say it went really well. Widget had a wonderful time and has already asked if she can play with them again. The daughters of the lady babysitting are hairdressers, so we picked her up and her hair had been redone, her fingernails painted and she had made a bracelet. Midget slept for about an hour, one of the daughters had a ball sitting there cuddling her. It's very reassuring to know that they are happy to do that.

So it looks like next week is a go as well! Wow, two whole hours away from our kids.

Life now has a soundtrack

2009-01-04T00:09:00.003+09:30

Widget never got into dancing, and singing was right out. Which was a pity, because she had a speech problem and singing would have helped.

Suddenly, she has decided that singing and dancing are fun. All those nursery rhymes I spent hours doing with her have appeared, and they're pretty recognisable. Even better, she makes her own songs. There is a constant background commentary, usually a recount of what we are doing with lots of 'Okaaaaay, awright' thrown in to fill in the gaps. So such gems as

"Mummy's on the toilet, OK awright,
Daddy's in bed, OK,
With Jo-ANna, OK awright"

There are also occasional surprises thrown in, like

"And Robin is my brother, OK awright"

Robin is her brother, but he lives interstate so it's a bit of a surprise when he suddenly appears in a song. It's fun listening to her and finding out what's happening from her perspective.

Glow in the dark baby

2009-01-02T21:14:00.004+09:30

Poor little Midget has my skin.

We went to a water park yesterday and she now has bright red forearms and face. There were great shade sails but it was very cloudy, and while I know you get burnt through clouds and tried to stay undercover it made it hard to tell if I was in the shade. Luckily she was wearing her sunsmart bathers and the rest of her is ok. Widget and DH have a bit of red on their nose and cheeks but are fine other than that. I, on the other hand, have lost 14kg and no longer fit my sunsmart bathers, so I was wearing a bikini for the first time in years. I now have bright red arms, chest, neck, shoulders and face.

So we have been searching for adult rashies and baby bathers with long sleeves. We did manage to find long sleeves in a size 2, Midget will just have to roll them up. It's a bit strange that all the smaller ones are only knee and elbow length - surely it's our little ones who need the most protection? As for me, it's lucky I've lost the weight. The only long sleeve bathers around are from trendy surf labels, and they don't come in larger sizes. Heaps of 10s and a few 12s, but only about four 14s in all the shops we checked today (ie most of Darwin). All larger sizes and all bathers in women's boutiques or chain stores had at most an extended sleeve that covered about an inch of your arm.

But on the bottom it's the opposite. You can get long board shorts that cover down to your knees if you are size 18+. Any smaller than that and you can have short shorts or bikini bottoms. After much searching we seem to have found the only size 14 long boardies in Darwin.

How ridiculous. This is the land of the melanoma. We have the highest rate of death from skin cancers anywhere in the world. We have a hole in the ozone layer above us (if you live in the south). Yet bathers are a fashion statement, not a practicality. If you are fat then you must want to hide your thighs, otherwise show them off and watch them go red. If you fit trendy surf labels you can protect your arms, shoulders and neck. The government spends millions on campaigns to get us to slip, slop, slap, but what are we supposed to use? How are we supposed to do it?

At the park yesterday there was a Muslim lady in a fabulous swimming outfit. Full length leggings and an overshirt/dress with long sleeves and an attached cap, all made out of sun protection fabric. I wanted to ask her where she got it, but felt a bit hypocritical seeing I was wearing a bikini. Being as fair as I am this is probably the first time I've worn less than the full outfit, and yeah, it felt good to show off my hard work to lose that weight. But the pain, and especially looking at my poor little baby, just isn't worth it. From now on I'm back to covering up and constant sunscreen. (And if anyone knows where to get a Muslim swim suit in a size 14, let me know.)

Shopping centre crawl

2008-12-26T08:34:00.003+09:30

We were in Darwin doing a big food shop. While DH was paying and loading the trolley I took the girls into the open section in front of the shop and got Midget out of the pram so she could stretch and Widget could run around. There weren't too many people around, so we didn't bother putting her back in and let her crawl through the shopping centre to the car park.

Widget crawled ahead of her to be chased, but of course went really fast and so kept coming back and forth. DH and I went slowly behind and next to her so no-one could trip over her. It was probably around 60m and she had a ball. Everyone else thought it was gorgeous, especially when she started talking too and you could hear "aaaah-aaaah-aaaah-aaaah" echoing through the shops. Most people smiled and slowed down to watch, except for the one woman who harumphed and muttered "Where are the parents?" Um, we're the ones behind her with an empty pram.

Why is it such a novelty to see babies crawling around in public? Obviously it would be too dangerous in a supermarket itself with all the trolleys around. And I wouldn't do it somewhere crowded. But there are many other places that babies can get out of the pram or down from the sling and explore, such as pedestrian malls and quiet shopping centres. We have a fairly child-unfriendly society, but at least part of that is because of parents - there are many things we could do to make babies and toddlers more visible and normal. Planners won't take them into account if they don't remember they're there. (Although they're pretty good in Darwin, with a playground and big fountain in the middle of the main mall and heaps of parks everywhere.)

A lot of it has to do with attitude and planning. It took Midget a good 7 minutes to crawl the 60m, because there was so much stopping and changing direction. If we'd been in a hurry it would never have happened. If the goal had been to get the shopping done and get home to cook dinner there would never have been the time, but we were just on a family outing that happened to involve shopping. There are so many things that can be like that - maybe living somewhere where there's not much to do changes your perceptions, but our grocery shop has been a fun outing for many years and we've just continued that with the girls. When we're in the city Bunnings is a particular favourite because of all the lovely wide aisles and it usually isn't crowded.

Having children and doing the household chores don't have to be separate jobs, they are all just part of life.

Damned if you do ...

2008-12-22T07:43:00.002+09:30

Have you noticed how many things with children are about making decisions and you'll never know if you were right? You can't rewind and try the other way, so you never know if you made the right choice. And it's a fractal pattern (I love that phrase!) which means it repeats at all different scales, from the trivial to the most important.

The current musing is caused by Midget's sleeping. With Widget I made various decisions, and I won't say I regret them but I do wonder if I just made the situation worse. Midget is even more apalling than Widget was, and has just gone through several weeks of not sleeping unless she's sucking. No slings, no cuddles, no comfort suck for a while then let go, if it's not in her mouth she's awake (and it MUST be the real thing!!!!). We've been working on it and have got to the point where I can put her down for a nap which will last 20-40 minutes, then DH can hold her to extend it. He's actually quite happy with this, he missed his Daddy naps and has had more sleep than in the whole year. She will also let go after about midnight so has gone back to having a few distinct feeds and cuddle the rest of the time, rather than screaming if she lost the nipple. I can get her down for the first nap of the night, but about 20 minutes later that's it and I'm stuck there for several hours.

The other day I had a little decision - she was showing tired signs, so do I put her down at the first opportunity or try to keep her happy until she's really tired? She's a very light sleeper which is part of the problem - she wakes so easily and you have to go through the whole rigmarole again, or she decides that she's had a nap and is now awake. I know that being overtired makes it worse, but the 20 minute naps just mean she is tired and grumpy until the next nap. (She's generally a very happy little baby, she's getting enough sleep it's me who can't cope with having to hold her all the time.)

Then last night it was a big decision - I just got sick of it and tried to hold her for a while instead of having her suck. Big mistake! She screamed hysterically, and I don't mean crying I mean screaming, until she threw up. This is with someone holding, rocking and singing to her. So it looks like we will be going back to the softly softly approach. As DH said as we were calming her down in the lounge room, at least she's very forgiving.

Bats and thermal pools

2008-12-19T17:24:00.004+09:30

We are up in the city for the holidays, very nice to be back in our own house. We've done the trip heaps of times before, but we're changing things now Widget is a bit older. Instead of going straight through we took a couple of days and did some sight seeing, stopping at the thermal pools overnight.

It was a lovely swim in the rain, it's not really a natural pool but has had a wall and steps put in, plus a ledge all around that Widget could stand on. But it still has beautiful sand floors and a current flowing through and is an amazing place to swim. It is in a National Park and all around are huge palm trees with an enormous flying fox colony. So you can sit in the warm water and watch the bats flying above you.

For the driving I sat in the back because Midget doesn't like travelling alone facing the back. Widget was fantastic playing with her, and she had a great book where she looks for things in the pictures. She has also got the idea of 'I Spy' using colours, so we had a good time playing games.

It reminded me of all the great holidays we had when I was a kid, and it was so exciting to be showing Widget these things for the first time and watching her being fascinated. Much nicer than 10 hours stuck in a car with a DVD player and some toys.

I love hankies!

2008-12-15T17:55:00.003+09:30

I've been meaning to do this for ages and not got around to it, but we all have colds at the moment and are going through a ridiculous number of tissues. So I cut up some of my soft fabric scraps and tried them out.

They're fantastic! I love them! We're probably the only people in the world using bamboo velour for hankies, but it is so yummy and soft, who needs aloe vera in the tissues. They washed really well and stayed soft.

So my new project to add to the list is to get/make some little boxes or bags to store them in. I'm not going back to tissues.

Never happy

2008-12-14T11:59:00.002+09:30

For the past couple of weeks Midget has been velcro baby, and especially won't sleep without sucking. I've ended up spending about 5 hours a day holding her and trying to get her to sleep. At night it's gone on and on until I give up and go to bed myself, at which point she sucks all night.

We've tried carriers and all sorts of things, but the couple of times DH held her so I could go to the toilet she got so hysterical she threw up, so I've just been holding on until the holidays started and we could work on a plan.

Well DH started holidays and we've been working on her naps, and she's getting the idea that maybe she can sleep without a nipple. Last night was brilliant, I got to put her down, DH settled her later, then she actually had a couple of feeds after midnight rather than sucking constantly.

So now my boob is incredibly sore because it wasn't emptied for several hours! I think that's the longest it's gone in her entire 7 1/2 months! This is a problem I could learn to get used to.

Swimming

2008-12-09T21:14:00.002+09:30

We were off to the pool and I had just dressed Midget in her bathers.

"Doesn't she look like a little pink swimmer?"

"No Mummy, she's not a swimmer, she's too little. She needs Mummy or
Daddy or she will go down to the bottom."

Ooookay. I suppose there's a certain simplicity to the toddler outlook.

Never work with children or animals.

2008-12-06T22:03:00.002+09:30

I had to go away unexpectedly, plus I've been flat out getting WAHMtique up and running but it's finally here!

I had a fun time getting modelled photos of the fairy outfit, hence the title. I'm going to be self-indulgent and put lots of photos of my little girl in, and I have photos of them in their Christmas outfits to add later as well. But this is what a photo shoot with a 3 year old looks like!

Told her to run around. Great action shot, but doesn't show the outfit very well. Actually I have a whole series of photos as she ran round and round me in a circle which look pretty weird, so this one I told her to run straight to me.

Told her to stand still, hmmm, not very happy about it.

So just run around and have a good time, which means

blurs,

and near misses,

and shots taken at just the wrong time.

Let's get some standing still.

Don't forget the baby climbing up my leg while I'm taking the photos (that's my excuse).

But my gorgeous girl had a good time.

My baby is too short to stand up

2008-11-27T11:26:00.003+09:30

according to the toy manufacturers.

Midget is pulling up to stand on everything, so I got out a big toy we have for crawling and standing. Better for her to pull up on something stable and designed for it rather than random boxes, chairs and furniture that falls over, right?

She can't reach the handles!

Second down - fairy skirt and wings.

2008-11-26T22:18:00.005+09:30

Fairy skirt and wings are also done, the wings are double sided with purple and silver hearts on one side, blue with the appliques on the other.

It's a hankerchief skirt with a drawstring waist and some elastic gathers pulling it up so it's all floaty. The little flowers worked really well, they're suffolk puffs and gathered daisies.

I want to get some modelled photos with Widget, but I'll have to keep telling her it's not hers - she has her own fairy skirt!

Widget and I painted some shirts for her and Midget this afternoon, nothing ever quite comes out the way you imagined when a 3-year old is involved! But these are just the basis, I want to sew on them as well. I've thought of a great way to put tinsel on the tree type shirts using frills, plus I thought I'd put some little puffs on the bottom shirt for Midget now I've learnt how to do them :) The singlet ran a lot more than I wanted, so the spiral hasn't really come out nicely, but singlets are a pain to sew on. I'll have to think about that one.

Next - the minkee nappy.

Tick

2008-11-23T22:41:00.001+09:30

OK, first thing is ticked off. These are the nappies ready to go!

To Do List

2008-11-21T21:37:00.003+09:30

Finish packaging nappies and send them off to Little Rompers.
Tiger nappy.
Skirt and fairy wings for WAHMtique - needs to be ready for next week!
Minkee nappy for WAHMtique - practice appliqueing. - Ditto.
Mark III side snapped nappy, in a Christmas print for Midget. Matching T-shirt - For next weeks' Christmas party???
Gathered skirt and matching T-shirt for Widget - For next weeks' Christmas party yeah right.
Dora dressing gown and PJs for Widget - Christmas present.
Silk scarf with flowers for Mum for Christmas.
Sheer vest I cut out a couple of months ago for me.
Blue shorts.
Scrunchies and hair clips.
Hankies.

Hmm, and that's just the sewing.

So now nothing's safe.

2008-11-19T21:12:00.002+09:30

This pulling to stand has knobs on it. Today she's climbed up me, transferred to the table and got my hat down to chew, stood up on the laundry basket and got all the washing out (pretty cute, actually) and pulled up on the side of the wading pool where Widget was playing.

And it's even better when her big sister gets worried about her and 'helps' her sit down again!

But she's just so pleased with herself and having such a fun time exploring.

And she's off!

2008-11-18T18:33:00.002+09:30

Midget has been doing the caterpillar crawl for a while now. On Thursday she started pushing up to stand a lot, and on Friday we put foam tiles over the floor - the ones that slot together and have letters and numbers in them. This makes it much softer and she suddenly got quicker. Then on Sunday she suddenly started moving her knees and doing a proper crawl! She's not very good at it and usually goes back to throwing herself forwards pretty quickly, but she's crawling.

Take a deep breath and start again.

2008-11-15T21:56:00.005+09:30

Having a child really changed me. Not just in the obvious ways, but it changed the way I live and operate. I've always been into plans and been a bit of a control freak, while being completely disorganised physically I've always had a clear direction mentally.

Having a child meant that went out the window. Not without some angst, I never tried a routine but I did desperately worry over Widget's sleep (or lack thereof). I learnt to go with the flow, to enjoy things as they were happening and live not even one day at a time, but in 10 minute segments.

Having a second child and a toddler has changed it all again.

Midget sleeps no better than Widget did, but it doesn't worry me. Up until now I've just put her down when she is tired and not bothered about what time it is. (Although at the moment I'm trying to convince her that 6 months is too young to only have one nap!) We're actually getting a bit of a routine happening though. Not a time based one, but more cutting the day and week into segments. Mornings are outside, when it gets hot we come in for a play, during one of Midget's naps we do some cooking, then in the afternoon we do a bit of craft. Mondays we try to get out to daycare, Tuesday is swimming, Wednesday is a quiet day at home, Thursday daycare again and Friday is playgroup.

Paradoxically, while the overall scheme is becoming more organised, minute to minute is becoming more chaotic. A big part of that is exhaustion. 6 months without time off is taking its toll, especially with the late nights to have five minutes to myself. It's been hard to be consistent with Widget, because I always seem to be reacting to her behaviour. She's actually pretty amazing compared to other toddlers, but when you've put up with an annoying habit what feels like a million times a day for the last 6 months and can't even go to the toilet without refereeing it's pretty easy to snap.

So I've been doing a lot of deep breathing and starting again. Just because I've yelled, or snapped, or said the wrong thing I'm trying not to dwell on it and store it up for guilt, because that makes my next reaction worse. Just apologise and concentrate on doing it better this time. I'm also breaking things down into small bits I can cope with and looking for victories there. For example one of the things I struggle with is her reaction to being told no, the whining yell is so annoying it will flash me over to instant rage. But I feel bad telling her not to do it, because if she is upset I want her to be able to express that. So today we talked about how else she could express being very upset. We practiced her sad face, and saying 'Mummy I'm very very sad.' So now I feel like I have a bit of control, I have something to work on with her. I know it will take a while, but rather than saying "Don't" I can tell her what to do. Then we can work on the next thing.

Another thing I'm working on is to remember there are two of us in this. I heard a great suggestion about using coloured faces that I want to set up, so she knows what mood I'm in. So rather than getting snappier, I can change the face and she can see that the temper is fraying. And it can be linked to her or not - I can use it to warn her, or to say look I'm tired, so be careful.

Thinking Time

2008-11-12T22:14:00.005+09:30

The other day I was putting clothes away in Widget's room and found Elmo in a drawer.

"Oh, look what I've found! What was Elmo doing all by himself in
there?"
"No, Mummy. Elmo was mean. He needs to think by himself."

Just for the record, I have never put Widget in a drawer. However we have started having 'thinking time' on her 'thinking spot' which is basically the kitchen. I started with her in front of a cupboard where I could see her, but she has chosen to hide in a corner and I'm not going to fight about it. It's usually more 'protection time' when I've just rescued her sister from being sat on.

It's always a big fight, it turns into lots of screaming and yelling. But I need the time for me to calm down. I doubt she's there for 3 minutes, but it just gives me enough time give Midget a hug then calm down and not yell at her. Then I go and talk to her and she has a hug.

I don't think she is actually getting anything from the talks, but maybe repetition will have something sink in. And it's a nice way to end a fight, with a calm quiet talk and a hug rather than yelling.

But Mummy, I don't want to dance!

2008-11-11T21:40:00.003+09:30

Widget has suddenly discovered singing and dancing. It seems to be a bit later than other kids, up until now she has flatly refused. And no Wiggles or Hi-5 here, thank you very much. She dances to Allegria, Bare Naked Ladies, and general rock.

Her dancing style is rather, um, vigorous. As well as arm and head wiggles there is lots of running and jumping. This morning she was 'singing' outside running up and down the driveway yelling "oKAAAAY, awwwRIGHT," and to be fair there is a bit of a tune there. The problem is when she wants to share with her little sister. I've had to go and rescue Midget 3 times today as her sister 'dances' with her. For someone who's just learnt how to sit it's all a bit overwhelming.

If it wasn't for the boobs, ...

2008-11-05T21:06:00.003+09:30

I'd definitely be second in the popularity stakes.

Midget is completely, head over heels in love with Widget. Which is great, especially as Widget seems to love her right back. Of course she takes toys off her, but that is typical of being 3, and I'm amazed she hasn't done major damage with trying to move her around. She's just trying to love her, but it must be painful and often ends in tears, or at least grizzling and a rescue dash from the toilet.

However the boobs win, and Midget is just as much of an obsessive little sucker as Widget was (is!). Which really makes me wonder how on earth women who don't/can't feed cope. Obviously they find their own ways to solve problems, but it must be a very different way of raising a baby.

I didn't do it on purpose, but both my girls have been raised in a way fairly close to biologically normal. I purposely don't say natural, I think that's both a silly and nasty label, but I do try to step back when I'm frustrated and think about life on the savannah with the hunter/gatherers. Not in the sense of 'this is how it was done' - even chimps show cultural variation, so anything that could possibly be called human will have had it, which means that there is no such thing as the one true way. But more to work out why they are doing whatever is frustrating me, so if we were out there, what would our babies need?

Fairly obvious answer - to be carried, fed and protected. It doesn't have to be Mum doing these things, but in our current household I'm elected because of the boobs.

The girls are both snackers, in fact I sometimes think I encourage it, maybe I offer a feed when I want a bit of time on the computer *blush*. I think Midget's gone longer than 2 hours about 3 times in her life, and that's night and day. It doesn't worry me because Widget was the same, but when she went out and had other things to look at she didn't miss me, so it was convenience rather than starvation. They both feed/fed to sleep, and that's pretty much the only way I can get them to sleep. Again, when I wasn't available Widget would sleep happily for grandparents, so I know Midget would be fine if I wasn't around. Midget is in the bed and currently feeding a lot at night, I don't know how much because I'm asleep, but I'm getting frustrated at not being able to roll over so it's more than it used to be. And they both comfort feed. Widget has had a bad run the last couple of days with falling over and she's asked for feeds.

So just look how many things in a day would have to be done differently if I didn't breastfeed - all feeds, obviously, a couple of naps, settling during the night, comforting from a bump or overenthusiastic sister, grizzling, being overtired, and we haven't even hit teething or tantrums yet! Basically all Midget's needs except playing and nappy changing are based around the boobs. I would be a completely different parent if I couldn't or didn't use them, and it's something I find difficult to even imagine. (not worse, different)

I think this is something that needs to be said more openly by Mums and breastfeeding advocates. One of the reasons formula marketing is so successful is that we are accepting their definitions, and that's half the battle. The ONLY way in which formula can be compared to breastfeeding is as a food, so that is what they do. Or they have somehow turned it into a medication - for reflux, to make them sleep longer, or whatever other claims are made. And by concentrating on and answering those claims we are accepting them. Even the name - breastfeeding - agrees that it's all about food.

I know it's not so simple, because making your boobs available to your baby isn't just about getting them out. You also have to accept that your baby isn't manipulating you, and maybe they do know what they need. There is a lot of pressure not to give in and spoil them. But whenever there are a lot of things contributing to a problem, that also means there are a lot of opportunities to chip away slowly, and we can all just do the bits we feel comfortable with.

Toddler Cooking

2008-11-02T18:16:00.003+09:30

Stick toothpicks along a banana, use a butter or eating knife to cut it up, freeze it.
Cut up a piece of toast and some frankfurters, put on toothpicks.
Scrambled eggs - she can use an eating knife to cut up mushrooms, then mixes the eggs.
Banana biscuits - cream a banana, 1/2 cup sugar and 1/4 cup butter, mix in an egg, vanilla, nutmeg and 3/4 cup plain flour, drop dough onto a tray and cook for about 10mins at 190 degrees. I generally make it with a sugar substitute and wholemeal flour.
Apricot slice - pretty much the same, but she is very good at chopping up tinned apricots into big chunks.
All sorts of baking that just needs to be mixed.
Frozen yoghurt - use a teaspoon to put yoghurt into flexible icecube trays.
Jelly - mix it in a tall jug so she can mix it without it splashing or going anywhere.
Use a spoon to get 'applecado' out of the skin.
Anything made in a bread mixer.

Updates

2008-10-31T13:42:00.005+09:30

OK there are lots of things I've mentioned, I thought I'd do a bit of a round up.

Midget is loving solids, she has had carrot, cauliflower and apple. I don't think she's actually swallowed anything, but she has a good old chew and suck on them.

She's six months (eek!) and pretty much crawling. Not the full on action, but she's mobile in a forward direction.

She's just gone through a stage of not sleeping unless she's attached, but fingers crossed seems to be coming out of it.

Widget has lost the imaginary friends and has picked up monsters :( She spends the day saying she can't go to the toilet because it's dark in my bedroom (???)and asking what sounds are.

We cook just about every day, she loves making banana biscuits and apricot slice.

I have put her on the waiting list for daycare one afternoon a week. Because she is on the list we are allowed to go in any time for 'orientation,' which is perfect. We are going in once a week or so and she gets to play with the other kids and get used to it with me there.

I'm being quite positive at the moment and seem to be coping well.

We've rearranged the living room to give me a place to work, somewhere Widget can do craft and a big space for Midget to crawl around in. This has had an impact on the amount of TV.

I finally made the water sling that's been on the to-do list for about 2 years and it was fantastic! I could go swimming with both girls and Midget had a ball.

OK, I know this is twee,

2008-10-26T23:00:00.002+09:30

but look at my two gorgeous girls! The fabric came already shirred and I just had to put a seam in the back, hem it and add straps.

Widget thinks it's just wonderful having the same dress as Midget!

There, but for the grace of God, go I

2008-10-25T18:53:00.004+09:30

All for want of a horseshoe nail.

A butterfly flaps its wings in China.

Sliding doors.

We have all sorts of images to express contingency - if it weren't for this tiny little thing, something completely different would have happened.

I was brought face to face with it yesterday at playgroup. There is another 6 month old baby there, in fact she was born two hours earlier than Midget in the next birth suite. It's fun seeing her, but yesterday it was such a shock to see her hoeing in to apple puree and eating more than half the jar, it obviously wasn't her first time, and apparently she is on formula full time as well. Midget is currently sitting on my lap enjoying her first food, a large carrot stick she's been gumming and sucking on and off all afternoon. She's having a ball but won't actually eat any of it - it's too hard for her to get any off. We will move on to softer food, this was just something for her to play with today.

Is one way better or worse? No, I don't think so. But the point is, if I hadn't found the ABA website, that would probably have been us. If I hadn't lived in the middle of nowhere, I wouldn't have gone looking for company on the internet. If I hadn't had problems getting Widget to open her mouth, I wouldn't have gone looking for the ABA. A large number of tiny things led to that search, and that search has had huge implications for my life.

If it weren't for the ABA forum I doubt I would have heard of baby led solids. I would not have fed to sleep. I seriously doubt I would still be feeding Widget at 3 years old. I quite possibly wouldn't have found the cloth nappy forum, in which case I wouldn't be running a cloth nappy business. I wouldn't have started sewing clothes for myself and the girls, I don't know what I would be doing for a hobby. I probably wouldn't have had the idea for the science educational business which is my long-term plan.

My life would be completely different.

And contingency is fractal - it happens at all scales. It happens in individual lives. It happens to communities - I've just voted in a local council election. It happens to nations - what would the global economic situation be if 9/11 hadn't occurred? It happens to species - what would life for the last few million years have been like without the icecaps?

My all-time favourite writer, Stephen Jay Gould, wrote a book about contingency in evolution called "Wonderful Life," using the movie as a modern example and the Burgess Shale pre-Cambrian fossils (seriously old, seriously important) to help demonstrate the hypothesis that we are here in this form by accident. Many, many years ago I studied human evolution and worked with contingency on a professional basis. Then I moved on, changed careers and had kids. Now here I am looking at my 6 month old baby and realising contingency is still with me.

I'm definitely not talking about fate - in fact contingency is the opposite, saying that we can be blown around by tiny, unpredictable events. And I find that rather refreshing. It gives us the space, the freedom to exercise our own judgement, make our own decisions. It creates a paradox, that we can be influenced by tiny things, but still take charge and be responsible for our own lives.

For better or worse?

2008-10-23T22:20:00.003+09:30

There's been a thread running on a forum about 'feminine hygiene products' that's been a bit of an eye opener.

An amazing number of women have admitted to hating them.

I always did myself, to the extent of free bleeding as much as I could. That means using nothing, just going to the toilet often and washing. I'm lucky I have a very light flow and could do that. It was a major factor in my choosing cloth nappies - if I hate them so much, I wasn't putting that on my baby. And that led to me discovering menstrual cups and cloth pads, which are fantastic. They are so much more comfortable than icky, creased, dry, cotton and paper.

But rather than talking about the products themselves, what about the marketing? What a colossal con job has been pulled on us! This is a product that a large percentage of its customers hate, loathe and despise, yet we are still buying them (At least until you try a cup! Go on!). Somehow we have been tricked into thinking there is no choice, that this is the way things have to be. If we stop and think about it for a moment it is obvious that there were once alternatives, we know the surfboards haven't been around all that long. But there is an unconscious assumption that they must have been worse. Part of that is logical - I mean why would you give up something that works for an inferior product? - but you have to wonder what other social factors were part of it.

Was there an assumption that modern is better? Technology forging onward and upward? Was it more a social thing, that menstruation should be hidden, folded into neat little packages and thrown away rather than soaked, washed and hung on the line for all to see? Was it part of moving into a 'man's world,' symbolically giving up domestic duties such as laundry? Were they genuinely more convenient for women who were spending more time outside the home? Because of course the non-disposable pads of 50 years ago wouldn't have been like modern pads, maybe the surfboards were better at the time.

Menstrual products are largely (and literally!) invisible in our society, so it is easy to see how women would never realise how many of us are unhappy with them. But I wonder how many other products we have accepted and put up with that we don't have to. The marketing of breast milk substitutes is an obvious example, but I bet technology is full of them - have a look at your typewriter keyboard.

They're very yummy darling, but not for you.

2008-10-21T22:35:00.003+09:30

When Widget was much younger she had a very distressing reaction to tomato, actually screaming as she wee'd because it burnt her. She was still in nappies and I would race to get it off her and get her into a trough or bath and run water over her. I wasn't too worried, (although obviously we cut out tomato!) because I know that fresh tomato reactions are relatively common. Plus we have geographic tongues running in my family and I noticed Widget had it too, and for most of us (including me) fresh tomato is a trigger.

As she got older we gradually re-introduced it in small amounts, and there seemed to be no more problems.

Now she toilets independently, and occasionally complains of being sore and is a bit red. We assumed it was because she doesn't wipe very well yet, and have been making an effort to help her and wash everything well. Then the other day she was extremely sore and red, crying when we tried to wash her.

That night I was flicking through a forum and read someone talking about their child reacting to salicylates with disturbed sleep.

The next day DH realised she had had a lot of strawberries lately, another common trigger, and I remembered the cherry tomatoes that she adores. That was when I realised that maybe the shocking sleep she'd had lately could also be connected. She often wakes up at night but generally goes back to sleep easily. This last week she's been staying awake literally for hours.

We cut out the strawberries and tomatoes, and lo and behold her bottom is better and that night she slept through. So it appears we still have a sensitivity, hopefully if she has any other triggers we will be aware and pick them up quicker. It's so difficult, who would guess that eating strawberries would stop her sleeping? She didn't complain of any pains or discomfort, and she's 3 - you expect little kids to have sleeping and toileting problems. It's also not immediate, but happens later that day or the next day as it works it's way through her system. I suppose we're lucky that it's so minor, although maybe if it was spectacular it would be easier to pick up.

At the same time it's important not to go too far the other way. The next day she was absolutely revolting after lunch, but when I checked what she'd eaten there was nothing she could possibly have reacted too. Darn it, sometimes they just behave like that. (And sometimes Mummy wishes she would have a nap.)

Breaking the rules

2008-10-18T23:23:00.002+09:30

Well, I'm a naughty Mummy. I've broken so many rules.

I have no idea how many times a night Midget feeds. When she first wakes up she comes into bed with us. When my legs get stiff I wake up and roll over a bit, when I realise she's been on one side a long time I roll her over.
I have no idea how many times a day Midget feeds. When she gets grizzly?
Her naps are all over the place. Poor little thing fits in with whatever is happening. The first one tends to be very early - she only makes it about 1 1/2 hours after getting up, which usually means we've just finished breakfast - but the second one happens whenever.
Mummy's magic sleeping potion is the only way to get her to sleep, except occasionally in the car if she's exhausted.

Widget seems to be terrified of monsters. I'm not really sure how scared she is - she says she is and sort of looks like she is, but it also looks like she's playing.
She gets a drink whenever we go shopping. It may be bribery, but I figure a drink a couple of times a week is ok in the larger scheme of things.
She's still breastfeeding, and in fact is at the point where she will organise Daddy to look after Midget before she even asks me.
She loves 'writing' both on the computer and paper, but doesn't know any letters. She loves counting for games like hide and seek and likes numbers, but she doesn't actually count things. This is an interesting one - I have a strong educational belief in kids learning these things when they are ready and teaching all the pre-reading and numeracy behaviours and concepts, rather than letters and numbers. But when everyone else's kid knows their letters and numbers ... Plus I get to the point of wondering if she wants to know them and am I holding her back.

Sensitive little sponges - very scary

2008-10-13T20:47:00.003+09:30

DH and I had a massive fight last night. No yelling or shouting, just lots of tension and avoiding each other until after the girls were in bed, then crying.

Widget woke up in the middle of the night and wouldn't go back to sleep for hours, she kept calling for both of us and asking me if I was there. I ended up putting her in the bed with DH because Midget woke up, so she and I spent the night in Widget's bed (which was really uncomfortable amongst the menagerie of stuffed animals).

Then today both of them have been disturbed. Midget grizzled every time she was put down and Widget re-discovered every annoying habit she's ever had, from climbing over the lounge to screaming, whinging and even hitting Midget. We had lots of good times too, but they were on edge.

DH came home at lunchtime to talk and Widget insisted on sitting on both of us. Luckily we did manage to sort things out so we're OK, but she wouldn't eat lunch and continued the behaviour. Luckily it was cool in the evening and we took them outside and had a good play and run around and they went to bed fairly easily and happily.

It's really scary how it affected them. We did our best not to show them and I would have said we acted normally with them, but they picked it up anyway. And of course I was exhausted and upset today, so I wasn't up to dealing with them the best. It makes me really sad for kids who come from tense homes long term - we've had maybe 2 fights in 3 years and work really hard to keep communication open and look what it did to them. Imagine poor little kids who are around that all the time.

To care or not to care

2008-10-12T10:36:00.005+09:30

I'm tossing up trying to get Widget a spot at daycare for one morning a week.

She's just had a wonderful time while we've been away playing with her brother, cousins and random children she adopted at the park. She's definitely past the parallel play stage and wants to play with other children. She's great with Midget and plays with me a lot, but I think she needs more variety.

We do playgroup once a week and it can be a bit hit and miss - one day there are two babies, the next week there are 20 children up to 4. Unfortunately there is only one other child her age and he just wants to play with his big brother. There is a little girl she really likes, but she is only 2 and not up to playing with Widget. There are several older kids but they don't really know how to play with someone younger - as the littlest she doesn't understand what they are doing and they don't know how to include her.

I just don't like the idea of not being with her. While we are at play group she will ignore me for long stretches of time, but if she needs me I'm there.

In some ways the solution is having other kids over or visiting. I know there are other kids her age in town, but I don't know them because they don't come to playgroup. I think most of them are at daycare! So if she went there she could meet some of them and then we could look at visiting. But visiting is hard for me. I'm a loner, I don't know how to make friends and socialise and I don't even particularly want to.

Sometimes I think wistfully of what it would be like to have a friend to talk to, but what do you talk about? You have to have something in common! My life at the moment is my children and my nappies, and I love talking about sewing, science, maths and education. But there aren't that many others out there who are into those things. I suppose with other mothers we could talk about our children, but I'm really wary of that because I don't want to get into comparing. I have an incredibly competetive family and I'm insecure enough about my kids and my parenting as it is. It's ridiculous, because I don't seem to have any middle ground. If my kids are "behind" in some way, I get worried and think everyone notices and thinks I'm a bad mother. But at the same time I'm (not so) secretly convinced that they are advanced, and I don't want to make other Mums feel bad. And of course if they are the same as other kids I'm disappointed that they're not advanced.

Widget's speech delay has been a huge trial to me. It was the one milestone I really cared about because speech is linked to intelligence. She was way ahead on most of the physical milestones, and who knows where that came from because my family is completely unco-ordinated and can trip over thin air. But I didn't care about how mobile she was, I wanted her to talk. OK that doesn't sound right. Obviously I thought she was wonderful and clever when she started crawling and walking and doing all those things, and I loved every minute of it. But it wouldn't have worried me if she had taken longer. Not talking really worried me, and I'm so glad we seem to be dealing with that. It turned out that it's not actually a language problem it's a speech production problem, she has all the concepts she should but has difficulties in physically saying things. Midget's going the same way - meeting all the physical milestones early, so I'm making sure I do all the right things with her speech!

But I digress. The other problem, and to be honest the big stumbling block, is the house. It's just such a mess I would be embarrassed to have other people here. And I don't want to put that pressure on someone else if their house is like this! I suppose we could meet at the park, and it's not getting too hot yet. A group of us used to go swimming but it's too cold for the kids for a couple more weeks. (It's ridiculous, there are only a couple of weeks that it's pleasant outside and we still don't have a cover over the play equipment.)

What it comes down to is that I'm really aware that Widget needs more people. It's that whole village thing - I think she needs more than me and Midget all week and I see how happy she is whenever she gets to interact with other people. The easiest thing for me is daycare, if I can get over leaving her which is a huge problem. It would also give me some one on one time with Midget, which she's never had because Widget doesn't sleep, and possibly even a break if Midget would actually sleep in the cot. I suspect the best thing for Widget would be playdates, but then I would have to interact with other people and clean the house. Both things that are good for me, but sort of like brussel sprouts. And I just don't know if I could cope with anything more on my plate right now. Of course it could be easier - less time I have to think about activities for Widget, and she does enjoy helping to clean.

While I've been tossing all this up one Mum who has a younger girl is pregnant, which is very exciting. She is the closest I have to a friend here and she might like the idea of getting meetings going now so she can have a bit of time out when the baby comes. And someone else I like but don't know very well is back, it turns out they haven't moved they were visiting family for a few months. So after all that ramble I might suggest to these two that we go to the park or something, ease into it gradually. I've been thinking about this on and off for months, this ramble really helped sort it out.

Two days on the new regime ...

2008-10-07T19:19:00.004+09:30

I let the TV, and to be honest pretty much everything, get a bit out of control while learning to cope with two children. So being back from a holiday seems like a good time to get a new routine happening and have a bit of a makeover. In the last two days:

Widget has slept in!!! I had to wake her up at 9am yesterday. This has been good because it means no TV in the morning, we've had breakfast as a picnic on the mat or outside.
We've filled the line twice and still haven't finished the washing. Actually the room looks like a bomb's hit it because I'm trying to sort the girls' clothes and put away the ones that are too small or the winter clothes.
I've cleaned the shower head with CLR so the water can get out and washed the vanity and sink. We've been in this house for almost 2 years and DH didn't realise one of the taps leaks.
I've got the dining table cleared. Unfortunately eating there is a bit difficult because Midget tends to have a feed and nap around dinner time, so we'll have to do a bit of rearranging.
Widget and I took the highchair outside and gave it a good scrub. So when we work out how to eat at the table Midget has somewhere to sit.
Widget is only watching DVDs when I'm feeding Midget to sleep, and she has another activity happening too.
I've got some new clothes and I'm wearing them rather than the old Bali shorts, I look darn good 2 sizes smaller :)
I'm getting photos of Widget doing different activities. The idea is to make a book or poster showing her doing lots of different things so she can choose activities to do rather than what I think of at the time or the same things over and over.
I'm really concentrating on getting her attention first and having her follow instructions straight away, rather than asking lots of times and getting frustrated.
When we went shopping I planned several meals in advance, including different things to have for snacks rather than fruit and toast. I got lots of fresh veges for crudites and I'm going to make some guacamole and dips and do a roast and carve the leftover meat.

Things I need to do:

Work out how to rig a hanging rack at Widget's height, the girls both have lots of nice dresses that are forgotten because they are hanging up in the wardrobe.
Get the clothes sorted and either put away, ready to sell or throw out.
Get the craft gear and books re-organised (again, I seem to do this regularly).
Get the clam shells out of the shed, it's getting warm enough for swimming here.
Rotate the toys.
Finish the hand sewing on the shirt I've almost finished for Widget.
Get my orders finished.
Get the side-snap pattern finished.
I'm sure there's lots more!

People are really nice

2008-10-05T21:04:00.003+09:30

Well we're home. DH was in Darwin and I was in Perth with the girls, so we flew to Alice Springs and met up there. I was a bit nervous about flying on my own with the two girls, but people were so nice and the girls were fantastic.

On the plane one of the stewards took Midget for a few minutes while we were eating, I didn't actually try to eat then I just cut everything up and dealt with Widget, when he gave her back I could eat it all one-handed :) Then when I went to change her nappy someone in the toilet queue offered to let us go first in case it was a toddler emergency, but we were fine. Midget was her usual happy self and talked and smiled at everyone, when we were leaving I could hear someone saying how she had been flirting with him.

At Alice they helped me get the carrier and backpack on, then someone leapt up the stairs and carried Widget down. On our way to the baggage claim two older people who'd been on the plane actually came over to tell me what lovely children I had! After we had the baggage we realised DH's plane was delayed an hour and a half (on a two hour flight) so we started playing. When there were no people it was actually a great place to play, all that open space around the baggage carousel meant Widget could run around to her heart's content. Midget and I were chasing her and we jumped on the carpet designs and played hide and seek. Widget chatted to anyone who walked past and everyone was lovely to her.

After we'd been there a while the airport police came to check if we had a lift organised, and had a little chat with Widget when she explained that Daddy's plane was late so we had to wait. I did get frustrated with her a couple of times, once when Midget was throwing up everywhere (don't feed the baby cardboard) and she wouldn't give me the nappy, and then she took off when Midget had just fallen asleep in my arms. When I went after her she was on her way back and told me that she was very clever because she was going to the toilet all by herself and the lady told her off. Which would make sense if you were 3. The very kind lady who was keeping an eye on her thought it was hilarious. We had a little discussion about how it was great when we were at home but she needed to tell me if we were anywhere else, and that night at the motel she was very careful to come and tell me every time she wanted to go to the toilet!

It was a really good day, the girls were amazing, and it was reassuring to see how caring people in general can be of our little ones.

OMG! Midget looks like me!

2008-10-03T09:21:00.004+09:30

It's so strange. Widget definitely had her father's colouring so I was a blonde, blue-eyed mumma with a black-haired, brown-eyed baby. It was really funny, especially because once she lost the real baby look she wasn't much like him at all but everyone said she was because the colouring was so unlike me. Now she is very much herself, her hair is brown and getting lighter although she still has the most gorgeous brown eyes (DHs are actually a fairly light hazel, so who knows where they came from). She is lucky she has his skin like leather, which helps when she runs around naked all the time.

Midget started with dark hair, but it lightened very quickly. It is now a light brown with a bit of a reddish tinge. I could always see features that were like my family - she has our eyes, blue with a yellow ring around the pupil, and the square jaw (somewhere under the rolls). Now we are seeing lots of people down here and everyone keeps saying she looks like me. The other day I was rolling around on the bed with her without my glasses and suddenly there it was - my own little face staring back at me.

I remember watching Widget trying to work out where her features came from, mainly the curiosity of a human biologist but also trying to see what I had passed on. I was a bit sad because it looked like all my recessive features were going to disappear under DH's dominants, especially given that both his boys look like him too. But they all seem to have come out in Midget, which is nice. It's almost like we've got one each. I don't think it will actually make a difference, I certainly don't have a different relationship with Widget because she has brown eyes, but it will be interesting to see how their personalities develop. Given how placid and happy Midget is so far, she may have got my looks but the inside is definitely not me!

Royal Show

2008-10-01T19:27:00.002+09:30

Woohoo! I haven't been to the show for about 15 years, but we're in Perth and Widget's getting old enough so we went.

I had a great time, I think everyone else did too. Widget was amazing, she walked for miles. Once she got tired and went in the pram she said she was cold, so DH got her a blanket and she slept for two hours!!! This is the child who hasn't napped for a year. Midget was too busy taking it all in, she had a few quick naps in people's arms.

DH's eldest son and his girlfriend came as well, it was great to spend some time with them and he spent lots of time holding Midget and showing Widget the animals. We saw the baby animals and the regional displays, plus a couple of pavilions of general stalls and produce. Widget went on a helicopter ride (like in shops, not a real helicopter) and thought she was the best, steering it and waving to us as she came around.

We got the show bags while she was asleep, she got a Dora one and Fifi (and the flowertops). We got her a Freddo bag as well and have already had one major tantrum over the rationing on that, but she'll learn. We also got ourselves some big people bags, I got a King Island Dairy cheese bag and some dried fruits that are amazing - plums and nectarines, I loooove stone fruit. I also got my Dad a beer bag. When we were going to the show as kids he always used to say he was looking for a beer bag, and now I found him one. I got some finger puppets, which I've been after for ages, and some fun textas.

Some bits have changed a lot since I was a kid but others are the same. It was beautiful and clean, the displays were great, and we didn't have any trouble getting seats or with long queues (although the fact that the weather was miserable probably had something to do with it). Isn't it nice when you can take out some memories and find they are still good.

Junk up your neighbourhood

2008-09-29T22:45:00.003+09:30

Otherwise known as kerbside pickup.

There is one happening at my parents and everyone has been putting things out for the last few days. It's amazing all the things being thrown away - chest freezers, microwaves, lots of computer monitors, a dishwasher and a heap of mattresses. If you were a struggling student trying to move out of home all you'd have to do is cruise around with a trailer and you'd get everything you need. All the cliches about one man's trash are out in force.

My parents have picked up a lovely pedal car that Widget is playing with and the neighbours put out some children's chairs which we grabbed. The neighbours are actually getting ready to move, so they have put out lots which has all disappeared. My brother came up for the weekend so Mum snaffled a folda bed and some pillows, which she put back out when he left and they have disappeared again. We even got some Christmas wrapping paper for some presents we are going to leave here to be opened later.

I'm sure this all says something fascinating about modern society. Is it good we're recycling or bad people are throwing things out? Are people simplifying and decluttering their lives or picking up more junk that will sit there and gather dust? Will people use the things they take or is it the thrill of something for nothing? If nothing else, there's something voyeuristic about seeing what people have had, and what they think is still good.

A Tale of Two Grannies

2008-09-28T09:37:00.006+09:30

We're down seeing the relatives, all is fairly smooth so far.

Widget is the eldest grandchild on my side but about the 8th on DH's, so there were negotiations about what to call everyone. Unfortunately my Mum has always been very clear that she will be Granny, because she has bad memories of her Nanna, but DH's older sons already call his mother Granny.

For a while there it didn't matter because Poppy was the only name she could handle and she had a lot of contact with my parents, so my Mum and Dad were both Poppy and the ILs weren't anything. Gradually my Mum became Poppy Mummy, then she managed Ganny. She talks on the phone to my Mum and gets little cards regularly so all was going swimmingly, she knew who Ganny was.

But then the ILs started sending things to her, which of course is nice, but confusing because she had no idea who they were. I couldn't say they were from Granny, because she thought that was my Mum. So my Mum said she should be Granny Darling. This is an old family joke, when we were kids we used to say "Please Mummy Darling," and that's what we called her a lot of the time, so Granny Darling was an obvious name.

So now she can say Ganny and Gampa and Poppy and Ganny Darling and she knows who they all are. Great, no problem, right?

"And how did she get to be Granny Darling?"

Well you've had 8 grandkids, if you didn't get yourself organised earlier that's your problem. I need a banging head emoticon.

Packing is an exercise in family relations

2008-09-24T09:42:00.004+09:30

We're doing a flying visit to Perth to do all the relative type things, introduce Midget to one of her brothers, see his graduation and do Widget's 3rd birthday. And isn't packing fun!!!!

First there's the fact that I'll be coming back with the girls on my own, so I want to get it all into one bag if I can. Then there are the nappies. I know we could go with sposies, but I actually find it easier to stick with cloth. We've travelled with it lots and I'm used to it, plus I have a stash of flats at Mum's house. It's quite easy really, I just take all my pocket nappies and fitteds with covers for nights. It's not how I like doing it at home, but Midget can go a long time in a pocket (I think 7 hours is the record) and I set her up in a night nappy with a PUL cover for the drive. Apparently it's cold down in Perth, but I think I'll raid the store for a pretty nappy for her although she has got two new ones. I just have to decide whether to go the pink camo, the hand painted or if she's more your pretty folk art flowers type.

So that's the easy bit, then we have all the clothes. Widget helped pack, so I have no idea what she's put in of hers. I put in lots of trousers and long sleeve tops for her and we carefully counted the undies so she should be ok (must remember to find her sneakers). But then there's the tricky bit. My Mum tends to give quality going-out clothes, absolutely gorgeous but not for playing in the sand pit. The sort I actually have to iron (I've admitted to Mum that I don't iron but I think she's trying to reform me). MIL tends to give playclothes with lots of frills and sequins. Widget loves them but they don't last long before the seams go and they're not the sort of thing I like the girls wearing when we go out. Then there are all the baby clothes that Midget was given that I'm not sure who they are from. So I just try to pack it all and hope people see us wearing the right things :)

Hmm, pirates

2008-09-23T16:42:00.002+09:30

How's that for timing.

I honestly didn't realise International Talk Like a Pirate Day had just happened, my little pirate rant was set off by something completely different.

However looking at these, I don't feel bad at all.

Pirates attack cattle ship

60 attacks around Somalia

Greek ship attacked

Pirate Attack News - this is such a common problem they have a news service devoted to it!

Up-cycling

2008-09-22T18:03:00.003+09:30

I've just sent off something I made for an up-cycling swap, I won't say what it was because it's a secret swap. (Plus I forgot to take photos, I'll get some when I'm outed.)

Up-cycling is an interesting concept, it's basically using recycled materials to make something else, so giving it more life. It's a cool new name, but really a very old concept. Think of cupboards and chairs made out of kerosene tins, curtains and clothes made from flour bags, sandals made from old tyres. So what's happening is that many people are now dabbling or choosing to do something that in the past was normal, a necessity.

So do we need to? Well really, no. In spite of various doomsayers the world isn't about to end. In fact, if anything we live in a Golden age. Our children and ourselves are healthy, we have more than enough resources to live, we have freedom to do pretty much anything we want.

Even environmentally we can't actually damage the planet too much. We can make it very uncomfortable for ourselves and other large mammals, but we're honestly not that important. It's a tiny fraction of what makes the biosystem and the planet has dealt with much worse than we can dish out. But call me selfish, I think keeping things comfortable for ourselves is pretty important, I care more about people than I do about beetles.

So back to the up-cycling, do we need to?

I choose to for two reasons. Firstly, even if the bucket is much larger than we may think, it does have a bottom. There's something a bit embarrassing about taking more than our fair share, which is what is happening at the moment. So it may not be dooming the environment, but I would rather work for equality with other people and at least nod to the other life forms sharing living space with us.

Secondly, creativity is a skill like any other that needs to be practiced. It is too easy to passively take other people's ideas, rather than solve our own problems. And creativity is so important in so many areas. From the intensely personal, thinking of things to do with our toddlers, to the largest and most abstract - how do we make the world a fairer place?

So going through my linen closet and using some of it to make something new is a great way to practice my creativity. Giving the results to someone else is a wonderful bonus.

Am I the only one???

2008-09-20T17:27:00.003+09:30

Who can't stand pirates.

OK, this is a fairly petty vent in the scheme of things, but I really don't get why on earth people think pirates are fun or use them as a kid's decoration.

They were, and for that matter still are, rapists, murderers, thieves, slavers, scum. They are the lowest of the low - criminals who ganged up on other people, who tortured, burned, terrorised. The ultimate bullies.

There is nothing romantic about them. There is nothing fun about them. As for the charity pushing "Talk like a pirate day" - well you've lost any chance of ever getting anything out of me.

I know there is a dearth of fun clothes for little boys, but you might as well have them wear a white sheet and hood.

At least she was happy???

2008-09-18T13:32:00.003+09:30

I left Widget with a DVD and lunch to go and put Midget to sleep. While I was gone I heard her playing with coins, so I thought she must have got into one of the jars on the bench and was a little bit prepared.

I walked out and the first thing I could see was Widget washing the dishes, with her chair pulled up to the sink that had been "soaking." She wasn't actually doing a bad job, but there was a fairly large puddle on the chair and water all over the place, and she was lining up the things she had washed along the edge of the bench. Sounds reasonable? Unfortunately there was also a distinctive smell everywhere. Then I got further into the room and saw the little sculpture on the kitchen bench.

A (glass!) jar was upended on the cutting board and there were coins piled on top of it. So was the salt grinder, and around the cutting board there were more piles of coins. Over all of it was sprinkled one of the spices.

At that point I decided I could handle some broken coffee cups, moved everything she'd washed onto the draining board, told her what a great job she was doing and left her occupied while I cleaned up. It wasn't all that bad, I just dug all the coins out and put them back in the jar, but I couldn't find the spice container.

"Darling where's the container for this?"
"In the bin!"

Hey, I'm impressed. It was on top and clean so I managed to rescue some of the spice then swept the rest onto the floor and vacuumed it all up. I've discovered over the last year that vacuuming cleans all sorts of things.

And to think that when I was pregnant I was worried that she never ever played independently! She seems to be coping with me disappearing quite happily, and considering what she could have got up to I can handle washing dishes.

Children's panadol is red

2008-09-16T11:35:00.002+09:30

And so is apple, bolognaise, frankfurters, tomato sauce and watered down apple and blackcurrent juice.

All of which Widget ate (not in one go!) just before coming down with gastro. She woke up Thursday morning with a temp of 39, hence the panadol, and a lot of cleaning that needed to be done. Poor little thing ended up on the couch all day, I had to carry her through to the potty and bathroom and a lot of it looked just like blood, which is why I'm going to hunt down some colourless panadol. The nurofen was clear, but unfortunately she sucked it in too quickly and threw it up everywhere, then flatly refused to take it anymore.

I was very lucky that DH came home. Not that I absolutely needed someone else around, but with the high temp I thought we might end up at the hospital and it was good to have a backup, and someone to help keep up with all the washing!

Friday was a bit better, at least she now realised when she needed to get to the potty and could make it there and had several baths to keep her temp down. Then Saturday I came down with it. I spent the day feeling like I'd been hit by a truck, but didn't know if it was exhaustion, gastro, or a hangover (blush, I haven't drunk in a VERY long time). Saturday night was awful, but Midget was brilliant. I got her to sleep and just left her in our bed, then forgot she was there and lay down on her! She didn't even move. But she was great that night.

Sunday I stayed in bed and DH took both girls out, just bringing Midget in to feed. She was her normal happy, chubby self and was so excited to see me she wouldn't go to sleep. I staggered out sometime that evening and had to give both of them big cuddles and lots of attention. Monday was fairly painful, but we are getting there today. We're still not 100% and the house looks like a bomb's hit it, but all the anti-bacterial hand wash seems to have paid off because Midget is fine so far.

So that's were I've been!

The Smile on the Face of the Tiger

2008-09-11T21:04:00.005+09:30

When I was in Highschool that was the name of one of our poetry books.

I loved it. How exotic! How mysterious! It sparked so much in my imagination. What could make a tiger smile? What was it thinking? Planning? How did a tiger view the world? What other human qualities did it have? I couldn't wait to read that poem.

It was a trite little limerick.

There once was a lady from Niger,

Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.

They came back from the ride,

With the lady inside,

And the smile on the face of the tiger.

So I was disappointed, my grand dreams empty.

But really, of course, they weren't. Because I was the one who had dreamed them, not the author of the limerick. I still had my fantastic images, my imagination could still roam.

And so that one little poem and title became more than the author or editor dreamed (or maybe it didn't, maybe they felt this too). It has become a hugely complex and rich metaphor in my life. It reminds me that things that look awesome and fantastic may actually be prosaic, which can be positive if I am overwhelmed. It reminds me that something simple may be the spark that inspires someone. It reminds me that you never know what may hold the seeds of greatness.

And it reminds me that there are disappointments.

But I have the choice. I can limit myself to the limerick, when I was expecting so much more. Or I can disappear into the jungle, to follow the tiger and find out if he's still smiling.

DH's Challenge

2008-09-10T15:51:00.002+09:30

In the evenings I take both the girls in the shower with me then hand Midget out to DH to get into her pyjamas. So DH is in charge of things like night nappies, and he has set himself a little challenge.

He is seeing how many layers he can get into the nappy.

She's now into large covers (on the to do list, we only have one!) and I'm not sure if that's her or if it's because he's stuffing so much in there. And she is wetting much more at night than Widget ever did, so it's all getting wet.

He's not content unless she's lying on the change mat with her legs waving around in the air because her bum is so high, the other night he managed to get a whole large bamboo flat folded in there, plus the snap in booster that goes with that fitted! And it's not just the engineering challenge - he came home the next day and asked if I'd noticed!

At least I have a husband who understands the fun of cloth nappies :)

A bit of fun

2008-09-08T14:46:00.003+09:30

I've been doing a bit of sewing for us.

I've had this fabric sitting there for ages, I loved it but it didn't work for what I originally bought it for. So I found a really simple vest pattern and made the fabric into the feature, it's to go over plain blouses and T-shirts. I'm really into brown rather than black, so the back and lining are brown and the topstitching is brown and gold, which matches the bamboo pattern. Unfortunately between cutting it out and sewing it I've lost 9kg and it's too big! I'm thinking I might add some buttons, but I'm not sure. I've also cut out some light denim to make the same pattern, I'm playing around with how to embellish it, and now I'm going to have to check the size.

These are Widget's Butterfly/fairy wings. I've been meaning to make her a cape for ages and then one day when we were drawing butterflies outside I had a blinding flash of how to make some wings. So here they are! She's also wearing the fairy skirt i made for her ages ago.

Widget's Breastfeeding Story Part 2

2008-09-06T20:23:00.004+09:30

Sucking in her sleep.

In the first days.

Early feed in hospital.

When we got out of hospital we had to travel about 1000km to get to our new home, that I had never seen.

My left side was sore because of the nipple damage, but it was getting better. But Widget was spending a lot of time coughing and choking, some feeds were just awful. At about 3 weeks she also started screaming every night, absolutely red faced, tight tummy, sounding really in pain. At DH's insistence I gave up onion and it worked! Looking back it was a bit of a fluke that we got it first go, but the screaming stopped so I wasn't going to question it.

There was still something else going on. On advice from a nurse (we had no doctor or pharmacy in our community, it was all we had) we tried a bit of Mylanta, basically sticking our finger in and letting her suck it. That seemed to help, so the next day I got on the internet and found everything I could about reflux. It didn't seem quite right, but I tried some of the suggestions like upright feeding and they seemed to help. There was one line I can still remember reading, it said that oversupply and fast letdown could sometimes mimic reflux. That sounded much more like it.

So I seriously started looking for the ABA site. I was actually looking for Nursing Mothers, because I knew my mother had been a member. (Mum is a nurse, and we grew up with the red cook book and playing with her mei tai. For years I thought Nursing Mothers was a group for mothers who were nurses.) It was amazing finding a forum of women with the same worries I had. I read a post by someone describing the clicking sound! I wasn't imagining it! Turns out it was the oversupply and fast letdown interfering with her attachment, so I learnt to feed lying on my back with her above me to slow it down a bit and block feed. We also did some simple things like putting a pillow under her cot mattress to tilt it up, and I expressed the beginning of a feed. That was great because it not only slowed the flow down, it stopped her overloading on lactose in the foremilk and helped some of the tummy problems.

The results of oversupply! 3 1/2 months

The forum became my lifeline, Mel P suggested a sleep, feed, play, feed routine and suddenly I could get Widget to sleep. Other women had babies who woke up after 10 minutes, and I learnt about hormonal control of sleep. Around 9 or 10 months she started waking every hour and wanting to feed and after a week I couldn't cope anymore, so we decided to night wean. It took lots of crying, but DH did all the night duties and would take her out to the couch and cuddle her until she slept.

She didn't get her first tooth until 10 months, so we never had a biting problem - she bit me about 3 times and learnt very quickly that the feed was over if she did that! We really got into the swing of it and did baby-led solids, so by 12 months she was eating but still having around 10 feeds a day. At that point I started weaning because I wanted to do it very gradually until about 18 months, because that's when we wanted to TTC.

Stopping feeding to sleep was very painful, she's never been a good sleeper and it just got worse. And she definitely didn't want to give up. By 21 months she was down to one or two feeds a day and I bit the bullet. We drove up to Darwin so she missed that day, and DH got her up and kept her busy for the next few days and that was it. It took about 3 days for my breasts to stop being painful but they were never really bad.

Luckily I got pregnant that time. A few months later she wanted to suck again and I let her try, but she seemed to have forgotten how. It was really painful combined with the pregnancy, but she really wanted to do it so we kept trying. She would feed every few days, sometimes go without for a couple of weeks then every day for a while. She copied me to open her mouth really wide and take the nipple right back, and we worked out how to get her tongue forwards as well. It was still quite painful, but we went through the pregnancy like that. I had a bit of aversion, it was different to being touched out I just did NOT want to feed her. So there were days I said no, but it was also a way to get a bit of extra time in bed.

Once Midget was born and the milk was back she thought it was wonderful! I still had aversion, especially comparing her feeding to Midget. But she has been excellent about learning the new rules. She went through a stage of whinging really badly and some huge tantrums, but now she is really good and always stops when I say to. It is feeling better as well, and I am relaxing more so it gets even better. It still feels weird, but if I relax it's ok. So here we are, almost 3 and still feeding!

Widget's Breastfeeding Story Part 1

2008-09-04T21:08:00.004+09:30

I've been thinking about some comments about breastfeeding, especially away from the nice safe haven of the ABA forum. As humans we love horror stories and triumphs against the odds, so they are the sort of breastfeeding stories we usually hear. However breastfeeding is normal, and one of the ways we can help people see that is to tell the normal stories as well.

I swear Widget came out sucking. We actually have film of her in the hospital sound asleep and sucking. She just loved to suck. Unfortunately it didn't seem to occur to her to open her mouth first. So getting her to attach was difficult and took a lot of goes. I seemed to spend most of my time sitting with her on a pillow drawing my nipple down from her nose to try to get her to open her mouth, but it never occurred to me to stop because I'd been warned that it was a learnt skill. I just assumed we would learn.

By the end of the second day the milk was in with a vengeance and I was engorged. This created an additional problem because my letdown was very fast, and that interfered with her attachment and made her slip back. I described the clicking sound to every midwife, but no-one else could hear it and they didn't know what was going on.

Unfortunately the bad attachment grated the ends of my nipples. One side was so painful I was in tears and just couldn't put her on, complicated by the third day baby blues. DH made me admit to a midwife how painful it was, and they were fantastic. They got me a pump and showed me how to express that side and syringe feed her to give the nipple a break for 24 hours. When we were ready to try again they were there to help me with attachment, and we started to get it together.

Sometime in here I had some advice that was actually fine, but I mis-interpreted it. A midwife who had just had mastitis herself was telling me that if your breasts weren't draining and you had any lumps you had to massage them towards the nipple. Knowing absolutely nothing I thought the enormous milk ducts I had from the engorgement were the sort of lumps she meant, and they definitely weren't draining! So I ended up bruising myself quite badly trying to massage them. I do wonder if that sort of stimulation contributed to the massive oversupply I had, but probably not because I've had it this time as well.

We stayed in hospital for a week because Widget had jaundice and they knew we lived in a community, so we might as well stay there as a hotel. When we got home one nipple had healed and the other was on the way, but it took about 3 weeks before I had feeds on that side truly sorted. Unfortunately once you've got the damage it doesn't matter if you get attachment right, it's still going to hurt until it heals properly.

So a week to get it mostly happening is pretty good going. To be continued!

7.77kg

2008-09-02T21:28:00.003+09:30

Is how much Midget weighs. We had the four month checkup and needles today.

She's been rolling front to back for a while always with a look of How did I get here??!!
Yesterday she rolled back to front twice, I think the slope off the edge of the mat helped.
She discovered her toes a couple of days ago. It's really funny she's been going cross-eyed trying to see them and patting them.
She has an enormous wet patch on the front of every outfit from the drool.
Anything she gets is going in that mouth.
There's no point checking her hips or joints because you can't find them!
Even if she's grizzly or hungry she's far too busy to feed during the day.
She only laughs if she's being held upside down or thrown around, I mean played with vigorously.
She has the most gorgeous smile that lights up her whole face.
She loves Widget.
I don't think she's poo'd for 3 days. I'm not worried because I know it's normal, I'm just not looking forward to it.

Little Luxuries

2008-09-01T20:56:00.002+09:30

DH got both girls out of the shower quickly this evening and there was enough hot water left for me to have some time by myself.
They are both going to bed relatively easily and I can have a hot drink in the evening.
They are both going to bed relatively easily!
Widget seems to be learning to stop whatever she's doing if Midget cries, so I can go to the toilet without having to race back.
DH brought lovely fresh grapes and watermelon back from Darwin.
Midget actually lets go and doesn't comfort suck all night, so she can stay in the bed with us. I'm getting reasonable sleep rather than having to get up several times a night.
I have lots of enforced leisure time to read while Midget is feeding.
DH brought me back some deodorant - Widget helpfully brings it out to me if I leave it where she can reach and it disappeared. I now smell like waterlilies and mint.
Midget has enough clothes that it doesn't matter that the washing all got wet in the rain. (This is the desert!!!)
DH covered Widget's window and made it dark, and she slept much longer this morning. On the other hand, when she woke up I had to go and get her because "she could hear something in her room."
Midget doesn't scream for a couple of hours every night.
When Widget was "cooking" with rice she kept most of it in one place.
We finally have screen doors front and back and can open the doors without millions of flies coming in.

Great Down Under Nappy Hunt

2008-08-31T23:24:00.000+09:30

DH is back, Yay! I actually got a sleep this afternoon, so I'm only a little bit behind.
I've been trying to sort out my mini-hunt for the GDUNH all day. I only upload files twice a year for the hunt, so I had to get a new FTP application and try to remember how to do it. I've just set it all up and checked it and it works. Now I need some people who think the same way I do!

I've got a heap of nappies ready to go, I hope some of them sell. I could be in a bit of trouble though - I'm out of hemp and I'm supposed to be giving hemp inserts as bonuses with the pocket nappies! It should arrive this week, so fingers crossed. Honestly I'd love to have that problem, it's so depressing getting all these things ready then not selling any.

I finally got a photo organised of Widget. Here she is in the dress I made her. I was a bit upstaged because I made her a dress, then some frilly sequinny things arrived from her grandparents on the same day, then DH got home next day with a whole pile of Dora gear! My poor dress was a bit forgotten, so I made her put it on to take photos.

DH brought the giant crayon back, it's full of craft gear. We were actually hiding it so I could bring it out this week, but she found it and has been carrying it around all night.

Red Rooster is empowering

2008-08-29T21:53:00.003+09:30

I have spent most of my adult life bordering on obese. My self-image is fat, but when I look at photos of myself as a kid I wasn't really. Must come from all that ballet and comparing myself to the other little girls. I've dieted a few times and got it down, but never completely and it's always crept back again.

When I had a child my perception of my body changed completely. I'd read a bit about separation of body and self, but then a friend made a comment while I was pregnant that really stuck with me. She said your body is doing an amazing thing - you are creating and nurturing a whole new person.

There is no separation of ME and MY BODY. It is all me. I cannot dislike or hate my body, because I cannot hate myself. The part of me that is my body has done awesome things - I have created and nurtured two children, I have opened and pushed them out into the world, I have sustained and grown them with my milk, I hold and comfort them when they need it or even just because we enjoy it. I have done other amazing things, including giving and taking pleasure as a lover. My husband and my children don't care what I look like, they need, enjoy and love me any way I am.

Since Widget started eating I've been a bit obsessive, just because I know what bad eating habits DH and I have and don't want to pass them on. So when he decided to lose weight I agreed and we began dieting with one of the well-known companies.

I don't know what the difference is, but we are finding it extremely easy. I've been going for 5 weeks now and it isn't a strain at all, it feels normal. It helps that we are supporting each other and are doing it for the right reasons, but there is also something different inside me. I don't feel deprived, even though I've cut right down on what I'm eating. I'm loving the difference that I can see, and of course it helps that other people are noticing and complimenting me. I'm finding that I feel in control rather than like I have rules I have to follow. I'm sure part of it is that I am in my own home and control what food is available. And being home means that I eat when I need to, rather than at set times.

The last few days have been tough on my own. I'm staying up far too late because after 15 hours with children attached I need a break, which makes me tired, which makes the next day harder. But today has been really good. It's Friday and although it was lovely of DH to stock the fridge up for me before he left, I'm sick of leftovers. So I planned to have takeaway. I don't feel guilty, I don't feel like I snuck something, have been naughty or have ruined anything. It was a planned decision and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

And that is very empowering.